I'm pregnant.

You may have noticed my title and thought this was about the new baby I have in my
belly, but it's not. You see, through-out me finding out I was physically pregnant, God
revealed much more to me than the obvious. He showed me that I had already been
pregnant some time.....

I am only 9 weeks pregnant with a real baby, but years pregnant with a calling.
When I was going to bible college, I always had aspirations to be involved in ministry and
till this day...I can't get away from it. I've come to the point where I can't even
stay focused at work anymore. All I want to do is read and study scripture.
More than ever, I feel like God is
stretching my faith, pushing me closer to the edge...
my birthing time is near.....and I'm so anxious.



I've been pregnant with a passion, and a burning desire to show other's the love of Christ
and how HE can make a difference in your life, but I have a confession,
for so long I was scared of rejection, that I barely kept that fire lit. Lately this flame
feels like it's been ignited with gas, because more than ever--
I'm ready to set the world on fire.
I played my favorite song on facebook the other day, you might have heard it, but when
I said it was my hearts anthem, you really have no idea how much I truly meant it.
I'm consumed with thoughts of one day speaking to a crowd big or small it doesn't matter
about the love of Jesus, in hopes of them receiving a supernatural blessing and giving their lives to
the Lord! I see myself writing books to encourage, motivate and to help
 heal the broken hearted.
I see myself in Church counseling youth teaching them that what this world offers has nothing
on our savior. I see myself feeding the starving children and sacrificing the luxuries
we have in America to spend time with the less fortunate. I see my children, walking the streets
of America/Africa/China wherever God sends us leading the young to Christ and
 proclaiming that Jesus lives becausewithout Him we are nothing! I see my family & I,
traveling to Israel one day seeing the very place Jesus Christ
died for our sins. I see myself opening a learning center for small children and loving on them
day in and out, I can hardly contain myself typing these dreams...and you know what I may
barely make it financially, I may not be successful in the eyes of the world..
I may not be someone of high stature to the CEO of a company, a lawyer winning
case after case, a brain surgeon earning millions, but I don't care about recognition
or fancy things, my reward is not here, but in heaven...
My heartbeat is the lost, the broken hearted, the lonely, the hopeless because I KNOW there is
hope and what I have inside me screams I have the answer--What God has done for me He can
and will do for you, you have everything He needs to begin with...
a broken heart to let Him in.

.....ahh, I can't even finish this blog..I'm crying so much...
but with all I've said, I ask one thing from you now that you've seen what's really on
the inside of my heart, I ask from the bottom of it, that you sincerely help me pray,
help me pray
that the Lord will give my dreams wings to fly and deliever this passion I have,
so that I can be a light to this darken amd broken world...
and.... maybe just maybe....someday I'll look back and read this post
to only see that I'm pregnant with new aspirations and all these have come to pass.

"For with God all things are possible" Luke 1:37
With Love & Prayer,
Esther

God's cleansing

On one sunny afternoon Stephen and I decided to head on out to the lake. I'm not too big on
swimming in the lake, but I do enjoy picking  up shells, and sitting by the shore.
Stephen decided to take Addie into the water for a
little swim and I sat facing the lake with my legs stretched into the water.
I'm going to pause
right there for a second and ask you this. Have you ever examined yourself as
 the bible says?
 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves"
 2 Corinthians 13:5
Well, this particular afternoon as I was sitting in the sand I began meditating
on my faith
and on my sins.
I thought, even if I lived in a hut all alone on a deserted island,
with  no tv,
 no music,
no people,
no food,
no nothing.
I would still be a sinner.
God always has fun ways to speak to me and on this day He wanted to change something
about me. He wanted me to quit dwelling on the fact that I'm a wretched sinner, because
to Him,  I am saved by grace and by His precious blood I'm cleansed to perfection.

I started playing with the mud...I began covering my legs completely with mud  from my
feet all the way to mid thigh. As I sat there with muddy legs, and no longer able to see my
ivory colored legs I thought "sin"--It's dark, filthy, dirty, thick, and uncomfortable..
You see my legs, they represent my walk.
They enable me to walk with God, but at the moment they felt heavy and dirty
(have you ever felt so heavy burdened about a sin that you quit walking the walk?)
..that's not what God wants..

At that moment I wanted the mud off, I looked up and noticed that big wave starting
to rise towards me. The water finally reached my legs and with it's momentum the water
washed my legs clean, stripping away all the mud. At the moment I felt Jesus say
"you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in My name,
 and by the Spirit of our God.." 1 Corinthians 6:11

Thank you God, for your spiritual wash. That we no longer have to dwell on being sinners,
 but YOU cleanse us, wash us and you make us NEW.
 I love you~ your daughter