I absolutely love Christmas time. It is my favorite time of the year. I enjoy the atmosphere, the movies, the lights, the food, playing Santa Claus and all the other works-but I really love celebrating Jesus' birthday. It is not cliche' to say "Jesus is the reason for the season" because he is. Christmas 2009 has come and gone. I'm not going to lie I am really sad. I have such a wonderful time surrounded by family and friends that I wish everyday could be like Christmas. Filled with peace, love and happiness. Jesus your birthday was awesome!
Wednesday afternoon we traveled to Longview, Tx (where my hubby is from) we had a little Christmas gathering at his brothers house (Adam) It was really nice to hang out with everyone there. Adalie is so spoiled by her uncle Adam and his wife Janice. They gave her a ga-gillon toys (yes, ga-gillon is a word, you didn't know?) Anyways, Addie really loves them as a matter of fact she often wants to call them..she doesn't say too much on the phone cause she gets shy, but she likes hearing their voice. I guess the truth is she adores all her family on Stephens side of the family. Kaci, Mimi Pawpaw Nana..everyone-- She likes mine too, but we spend way more time with my in laws since they are so much closer. My family lives almost 9 hours away so Adalie only gets to see them a couple times a year. I wish it wasn't that way, but such is life.
Christmas eve, was probably my favorite for many reasons. I enjoyed the day full of family. Stephens' other sister flew in and surprised Adalie with more gifts. By Christmas eve she had already opened her bike, clothes, shoes, babies, arts and crafts stuff and a little drum set. (Yes, she is rotten, cute..but rotten) Needless to say that house was noisy, but fun :) Around dinner time we headed over to a Chruch service with Stephens dad and all his children (including us wives) it was great. I loved the church the worship was amazing and it was just a sincere heartfelt church. The pastor and co pastor were from England so their accents rocked! I love English accents-wish I had one. Either way, once Church was over we headed home for a nice dinner, open some gifts and hang around...about 11 pm Stephens brother Adam (whom is a police officer in Longview) shared with us a story of a call he heard of. This woman in Longview had waited until the day before Christmas to go and gather gifts for her son..it was the only time she could because of the lack of money. She recieved her paycheck and went to spend her last dime on her son. When she was finsihed at one store she entered another just to come out empty handed. She had been robbed--all the gifts she had in her car for her son had been taken! Devestating ain't it? You know of allll days why do people do this on Christmas? I'm aware that Christmas isn't a jolly time for everyone, and some can't afford it so stealing is what they do--but man, that just broke my heart.
We are a pretty tight knit clan so we put our heads together and came up with an idea. We asked Adam to locate the ladies name and number we were going to surprise her with gifts for her son. We raised over 600 dollars in the matter of 20 minutes for this family. Stephens' step mom gave some food as well, Janice and Stephens' oldest sister were able to find a CVS that was open to buy some gifts cards and toys for this 5 year old boy. It was so touching I tell ya. You could feel a peace in our house that night, that God was among us.
For that is what Christmas is all about-Jesus came into this world as a gift to us because we were in need of a savior and in turn we spent our Christmas morning driving an hour to deliver a gift to a family that was also in need. Definitely not a typical Christmas morning, but oh how rewarding it was to see their faces light up. So humble and lost for words the mother of this child shyly thanked us and on our way we went.
For once in my life Christmas was meaningful, symbolic and selfless. It wasn't easy to put aside my selfish wants of Adalie waking up to opening presents, but this was worth more than that...it was about Jesus and his sacrifice...it was about his selfless actions for others in need... it was about giving. Although it was a great gift nothing can replace Jesus...we were given the best present of all, HIM.
Jesus thank you for coming into this world. Your sacrifice has saved my life, it's yours. I love you.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Scattered thoughts
...."We must obey God rather than men."--Acts 5:29
I have a problem. Maybe it's not a problem, maybe a bad habit, maybe it's not a bad habit, but am I the only person on earth that stares at someone wondering what their purpose on earth is? I don't mean that in a bad way, but sometimes I stare off into the distance looking around at all the lives that surround me and I wonder who/what they're living for? I wonder what their life is like? Then I ponder the thought..has their life turned out the way God intended, or has their life turned out the way they intended?
Maybe it is a problem, You see so many times I've ran into this. Where I think and think- I can't help it, I'm a psychologist at heart. I analyze everything...in fact, all of my upper level courses are in psychology. (They say we're the crazies because we've been brainwashed with so many theories) but I differ with that statement. I've always kept close to my Bible, but part of the reason I'm not in the counseling/psychology field is because I have issues believing some of the developmental theories I've learned in school;however, I must say there are some truths in the world of psychology.
One thing I was taught in school is the way people function. What makes them happy, sad, upset, annoyed, jealous, mad etc. This was always one of my favorite topics-why people act the way they do. And believe me during class I was like ew, yup that's me...or man, that hurts thats true, but no matter how you were raised, where you came from, what you didn't have growing up, whatever situation you find yourself in--Jesus is the answer everytime. He can heal the broken hearted, give rest to the troubled, mend pieces that have been scattered, transform a life that is doomed, and to those wanting to take their own life I cry out If you don't want your life, give it to Christ.
I hate that I think too much, but this is what I love about my blogger, I can think freely. As a matter of fact in my blogs I never know what I'm going to talk about. It is never brainstormed, caused by anything, I just write what I'm thinking at the moment. (That may have something to do with why I sometimes make no sense) nonetheless, I enjoy scattered, random, unorganized thoughts. That is unless I am working, then I kinda have to have it together for my students, but anyways..
One thing I think a lot about is that people as a whole, no matter how they were raised, where they come from, or who they know we all have one big trait in common, we all want approval. I did a study one time in school on gangs and why people turn to gangs or turn to that type of lifestyle...it was simple-approval. Or how about the young teenage girls that make themselves sick or don't finish their dinner because hollywood says you're not pretty enough if you're not a size 0?-approval. Or what about the famous "everyone is doing it, it must be ok to society?" again, approval. There is always an approval we are looking for. I know for me when I'm about to go on a date I always ask Stephen, "Hey babe, does this look ok?" I know thats not a good example, but what I'm saying is there is a level of approval we look for. I had struggled for years, but with Gods help I now feel confident knowing my only approval in life that matters is God. He stamps yes or no. I care nothing about pleasing people (in the sense that I change who I am to make them like me) I honestly do not care in no way to be popular. I wasn't always that way, but that only lead me astray from God. The bible says, bad company corupts good character and well, it has it's truth.
One of my biggest motivations in life is to live a life that is pleasing to God. Not man. For He is my greatest example. The bible says that he made Himself of "no reputation" (phillipians 2:7)That is a significant statement to me. He understood His purpose in life and lived it out to perfection regardless of who was on His side or not. That used to matter to me. I needed to have approval of friends to be a certain way, or act a certain way, but now I have freedom to shine on and live for Christ. There was a point in my life that I hid who I really was for the fear of being rejected, what an awful feeling it was, and now I get angry with myself because I think why did it matter? Seriously, why? I absolutely gained nothing but lost everything I had going for me. I think about all the lives I had an opportunity to influence, and gosh I get frustrated...buuut at least I have today. And today I can stand up proud and say, I live for Jesus.
Lord, I do not know everyones reasons for living, but you do. I do not know why life turns out great for some and unfortuante for others, but you do. My only desire today is that believers come to recognize you are the only approval they need regardless of circumstances that branched from their upbringing.. it's not hollywood, not friends, not the media, but YOU and only you Lord that really matters.
At the end of the day, I realize that living for you God is truly living.
Who stamps your approval?
I love you
Sincerely,
Your daughter
I have a problem. Maybe it's not a problem, maybe a bad habit, maybe it's not a bad habit, but am I the only person on earth that stares at someone wondering what their purpose on earth is? I don't mean that in a bad way, but sometimes I stare off into the distance looking around at all the lives that surround me and I wonder who/what they're living for? I wonder what their life is like? Then I ponder the thought..has their life turned out the way God intended, or has their life turned out the way they intended?
Maybe it is a problem, You see so many times I've ran into this. Where I think and think- I can't help it, I'm a psychologist at heart. I analyze everything...in fact, all of my upper level courses are in psychology. (They say we're the crazies because we've been brainwashed with so many theories) but I differ with that statement. I've always kept close to my Bible, but part of the reason I'm not in the counseling/psychology field is because I have issues believing some of the developmental theories I've learned in school;however, I must say there are some truths in the world of psychology.
One thing I was taught in school is the way people function. What makes them happy, sad, upset, annoyed, jealous, mad etc. This was always one of my favorite topics-why people act the way they do. And believe me during class I was like ew, yup that's me...or man, that hurts thats true, but no matter how you were raised, where you came from, what you didn't have growing up, whatever situation you find yourself in--Jesus is the answer everytime. He can heal the broken hearted, give rest to the troubled, mend pieces that have been scattered, transform a life that is doomed, and to those wanting to take their own life I cry out If you don't want your life, give it to Christ.
I hate that I think too much, but this is what I love about my blogger, I can think freely. As a matter of fact in my blogs I never know what I'm going to talk about. It is never brainstormed, caused by anything, I just write what I'm thinking at the moment. (That may have something to do with why I sometimes make no sense) nonetheless, I enjoy scattered, random, unorganized thoughts. That is unless I am working, then I kinda have to have it together for my students, but anyways..
One thing I think a lot about is that people as a whole, no matter how they were raised, where they come from, or who they know we all have one big trait in common, we all want approval. I did a study one time in school on gangs and why people turn to gangs or turn to that type of lifestyle...it was simple-approval. Or how about the young teenage girls that make themselves sick or don't finish their dinner because hollywood says you're not pretty enough if you're not a size 0?-approval. Or what about the famous "everyone is doing it, it must be ok to society?" again, approval. There is always an approval we are looking for. I know for me when I'm about to go on a date I always ask Stephen, "Hey babe, does this look ok?" I know thats not a good example, but what I'm saying is there is a level of approval we look for. I had struggled for years, but with Gods help I now feel confident knowing my only approval in life that matters is God. He stamps yes or no. I care nothing about pleasing people (in the sense that I change who I am to make them like me) I honestly do not care in no way to be popular. I wasn't always that way, but that only lead me astray from God. The bible says, bad company corupts good character and well, it has it's truth.
One of my biggest motivations in life is to live a life that is pleasing to God. Not man. For He is my greatest example. The bible says that he made Himself of "no reputation" (phillipians 2:7)That is a significant statement to me. He understood His purpose in life and lived it out to perfection regardless of who was on His side or not. That used to matter to me. I needed to have approval of friends to be a certain way, or act a certain way, but now I have freedom to shine on and live for Christ. There was a point in my life that I hid who I really was for the fear of being rejected, what an awful feeling it was, and now I get angry with myself because I think why did it matter? Seriously, why? I absolutely gained nothing but lost everything I had going for me. I think about all the lives I had an opportunity to influence, and gosh I get frustrated...buuut at least I have today. And today I can stand up proud and say, I live for Jesus.
Lord, I do not know everyones reasons for living, but you do. I do not know why life turns out great for some and unfortuante for others, but you do. My only desire today is that believers come to recognize you are the only approval they need regardless of circumstances that branched from their upbringing.. it's not hollywood, not friends, not the media, but YOU and only you Lord that really matters.
At the end of the day, I realize that living for you God is truly living.
Who stamps your approval?
I love you
Sincerely,
Your daughter
Friday, December 11, 2009
Living Life in Gods Hands
Have you ever thought about life? I'm sure you have. But what does it actually mean to live?
I have heard some famous encouraging quotes "Live life to the fullest" or "Life is what you make of it, make it beautiful" I wonder what the exact definition is or what these people actually mean because for me they mean something completely differnt. There is one thing I have learned since being out on my own and living my own life--you can TRY to live life to the fullest and you can TRY to make life beautiful, but what do you do about real life, true life, hard life or what about things that come your way that are uncontrolable. Life is not always about how you look at your circumstances, but who you trust your circumstances with...
Lord I trust your hands.
This may sound off subject but it's not. Lately, I've been meditating on Gods hands. I grew up with a Father praying, asking, pleading God "always keep your hands upon her." I ask myself all the time..what do Gods hands look like? They are probably the most beautiful hands, soft and gentle..I also think about how putting my life in Gods hands means in a sense I am living life through Christ so HE makes the best of circumstances and turns them around. HE makes life full. HE makes life beautiful for HE is my life. I am so inspired to write this because although Gods hands are invisible they are so noticable...you'll get it in a minute.
Its when life throws you a whilrwind and you don't know how to live the moment to the fullest, you see Gods hands in the mix calming the winds.
{...and I had just prayed the night before that you calm the storm}
Its when you are having a hard time preforming at work and the stress of it all, you see Gods hands making the way.
{...and as the students walked out I realized how rewarding my job is and what I mean to students}
Or its like when you hang on to your last dollar because you're scared to trust God with your finances, you see Gods hands mail you a check...
{...and I just stood at the mail box thinking how caring and trusting you are God}
All of the above is what makes my life beautiful for they are circumstances I've recently experienced;yet,have seen Gods hand.
It is HE who allows me to live my life to the fullest, because with God I will never be empty.
Lord, I have no words..honestly you prove to me time and time again just how mindful you are of me. I don't understand it and maybe I'm not suppose to, but all I can say is from the bottom of my heart I. am. thankful.
May your beautiful,loving and tender hands never leave mine. You are who I hold onto.
I love you deeply.
Your daugher Esther
I have heard some famous encouraging quotes "Live life to the fullest" or "Life is what you make of it, make it beautiful" I wonder what the exact definition is or what these people actually mean because for me they mean something completely differnt. There is one thing I have learned since being out on my own and living my own life--you can TRY to live life to the fullest and you can TRY to make life beautiful, but what do you do about real life, true life, hard life or what about things that come your way that are uncontrolable. Life is not always about how you look at your circumstances, but who you trust your circumstances with...
This may sound off subject but it's not. Lately, I've been meditating on Gods hands. I grew up with a Father praying, asking, pleading God "always keep your hands upon her." I ask myself all the time..what do Gods hands look like? They are probably the most beautiful hands, soft and gentle..I also think about how putting my life in Gods hands means in a sense I am living life through Christ so HE makes the best of circumstances and turns them around. HE makes life full. HE makes life beautiful for HE is my life. I am so inspired to write this because although Gods hands are invisible they are so noticable...you'll get it in a minute.
Its when life throws you a whilrwind and you don't know how to live the moment to the fullest, you see Gods hands in the mix calming the winds.
{...and I had just prayed the night before that you calm the storm}
Its when you are having a hard time preforming at work and the stress of it all, you see Gods hands making the way.
{...and as the students walked out I realized how rewarding my job is and what I mean to students}
Or its like when you hang on to your last dollar because you're scared to trust God with your finances, you see Gods hands mail you a check...
{...and I just stood at the mail box thinking how caring and trusting you are God}
All of the above is what makes my life beautiful for they are circumstances I've recently experienced;yet,have seen Gods hand.
It is HE who allows me to live my life to the fullest, because with God I will never be empty.
Lord, I have no words..honestly you prove to me time and time again just how mindful you are of me. I don't understand it and maybe I'm not suppose to, but all I can say is from the bottom of my heart I. am. thankful.
May your beautiful,loving and tender hands never leave mine. You are who I hold onto.
I love you deeply.
Your daugher Esther
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I choose to trust YOU.
"Be still, and know I am God.." Psalms 46:10
It all started a few months ago, when I began thinking what it would be like to hear Gods voice? What would He sound like? What would He say to me? When people say they've heard from God what did they mean exactly? Then I left the thought alone...until
This past Sunday our pastors wife sister Audra gave a sermon that stuck the very core of me. Trust was the topic. She mentioned a story of a little boy who climbed a tree or actually I can't remember what it was he climbed, but anyways lets say it was a tree. He knew his Father was at the bottom of the tree so when the boy reached the highest he could climb, he leaped out without notice. The father immediately ran and caught the boy, then he asked him "What were you thinking just jumping off like that?" The boy answered, "Well Dad, I KNEW you would catch me." Record breaking trust.
If you think about that, in comparison to our relationship with our Father, we also should have that kind of trust. But it's not always that easy, because as humans we want control of things. When we leap out in Faith how wonderful it is to KNOW that our heavenly Father is there to catch us before we fall. My problem at times is trusting to be caught. I understand this-God is able to do anything, I'm aware of that, but when I examine my life & my walk with God I notice that I pick and choose the areas in which I trust God. I ran over and over all the areas of my life that I trust him in. Future? Check. Guidance? Check. Finances? sometimes. Fear? hardly ever. You see I have this huge fear of being alone and for a long time i've prayed that God take that fear away from me. I'm a baby I know. But the crazy thing is the more I ask to help me overcome that fear the more my husband is gone from home? Seriously Lord. I'm like wait a second here. BUT I'm having to learn this is the only way I'm going to be taught how to fully rely on God--I'm tired of being worried about the things I have no control over so I made a committment on Sunday to truly hand over all my fears and worries over to the Lord. I am choosing to trust God. With all of it, I will trust in HIM.
So speaking of my husband being gone often here lately, he is actually gone tonight on a 24 hour shift. So here I go-putting my trust into practice. So far only a couple of creepy noises have psyched me out, but all is well. The Lord is my favorite companion : ) Anyways, I started thinking about Gods voice again and thought deeper into it. The way I've personally heard His voice is through music, sermons, His word, but tonight I was just laying there on my bed putting my little Adalie to sleep and I not only kept thinking about my new devoted trust in God, but why is it that I can't have my hands in what Gods doing. You see I like to have a little control of my life and surrendering that all to God is tough and as I was thinking about it God spoke to me and it's like my thoughts were no more and a verse was placed inside my mind "BE STILL, and know I am God."
I don't know how to be still number one. BUT I do know who my God is. So if I can master the first one that will be wonderful. I'm constantly going, so in a funny way it was like God said "Esther, you ADHD child of mine, whose mind runs 1,000 miles an hour be quiet for once lol, be still and hush your mush. Quit worrying so much, do what you can with the possible and trust me with the impossible."
Well at least that's what I've gotten out of it after meditating on what He could have meant. There are many areas in my life I can apply this too,(the being still part) but for tonight my mission is to be number uno-still, be worry free, and tonight I will conquer my fear of sleeping alone! I will be trusting in God to give me peaceful rest.
Lord, I love you. Forgive me for all my short comings and cleanse all my filth I carry. I pray that you help me learn to trust more and more in you each day, that whatever comes my way I may be just as quick to turn it your way. Thank you for your peace that I am feeling now. Thank you for your presence and thank you for your love.
You continue to amaze me Father.
I adore you.
Esther
It all started a few months ago, when I began thinking what it would be like to hear Gods voice? What would He sound like? What would He say to me? When people say they've heard from God what did they mean exactly? Then I left the thought alone...until
This past Sunday our pastors wife sister Audra gave a sermon that stuck the very core of me. Trust was the topic. She mentioned a story of a little boy who climbed a tree or actually I can't remember what it was he climbed, but anyways lets say it was a tree. He knew his Father was at the bottom of the tree so when the boy reached the highest he could climb, he leaped out without notice. The father immediately ran and caught the boy, then he asked him "What were you thinking just jumping off like that?" The boy answered, "Well Dad, I KNEW you would catch me." Record breaking trust.
If you think about that, in comparison to our relationship with our Father, we also should have that kind of trust. But it's not always that easy, because as humans we want control of things. When we leap out in Faith how wonderful it is to KNOW that our heavenly Father is there to catch us before we fall. My problem at times is trusting to be caught. I understand this-God is able to do anything, I'm aware of that, but when I examine my life & my walk with God I notice that I pick and choose the areas in which I trust God. I ran over and over all the areas of my life that I trust him in. Future? Check. Guidance? Check. Finances? sometimes. Fear? hardly ever. You see I have this huge fear of being alone and for a long time i've prayed that God take that fear away from me. I'm a baby I know. But the crazy thing is the more I ask to help me overcome that fear the more my husband is gone from home? Seriously Lord. I'm like wait a second here. BUT I'm having to learn this is the only way I'm going to be taught how to fully rely on God--I'm tired of being worried about the things I have no control over so I made a committment on Sunday to truly hand over all my fears and worries over to the Lord. I am choosing to trust God. With all of it, I will trust in HIM.
So speaking of my husband being gone often here lately, he is actually gone tonight on a 24 hour shift. So here I go-putting my trust into practice. So far only a couple of creepy noises have psyched me out, but all is well. The Lord is my favorite companion : ) Anyways, I started thinking about Gods voice again and thought deeper into it. The way I've personally heard His voice is through music, sermons, His word, but tonight I was just laying there on my bed putting my little Adalie to sleep and I not only kept thinking about my new devoted trust in God, but why is it that I can't have my hands in what Gods doing. You see I like to have a little control of my life and surrendering that all to God is tough and as I was thinking about it God spoke to me and it's like my thoughts were no more and a verse was placed inside my mind "BE STILL, and know I am God."
I don't know how to be still number one. BUT I do know who my God is. So if I can master the first one that will be wonderful. I'm constantly going, so in a funny way it was like God said "Esther, you ADHD child of mine, whose mind runs 1,000 miles an hour be quiet for once lol, be still and hush your mush. Quit worrying so much, do what you can with the possible and trust me with the impossible."
Well at least that's what I've gotten out of it after meditating on what He could have meant. There are many areas in my life I can apply this too,(the being still part) but for tonight my mission is to be number uno-still, be worry free, and tonight I will conquer my fear of sleeping alone! I will be trusting in God to give me peaceful rest.
Lord, I love you. Forgive me for all my short comings and cleanse all my filth I carry. I pray that you help me learn to trust more and more in you each day, that whatever comes my way I may be just as quick to turn it your way. Thank you for your peace that I am feeling now. Thank you for your presence and thank you for your love.
You continue to amaze me Father.
I adore you.
Esther
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