Spiritual Exhaustion

Do you ever feel frustrated?

Or do you ever feel bogged down.
tired.
and exhuasted
from everything
going on around you?

My answer is- Yes. And it makes my stomach cringe.
I'll fill you in on something God revealed to me yesterday.
God began dealing with me on emotions of a woman a while back and it finally
made sense last night.
I started thinking of what we deal with for a majority.
As a woman there are things that just.. get to us, sometimes we don't even
have a reason we're just blah. And yes it's true, sometimes they're not even legitiment
 reasons to be upset cause later we're like why did that even bother me right?
Nonetheless the truth is that we are typically sensitive.
There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, or emotional-those were the
hormones we were given; however, when we start letting those emotions override
God's word and we don't supress our emotions, they began to control us...
well that's when we enter into a dangerous zone.
You know you're in this zone when:
You're irritable, restless in spirit, consumed with every thought of your problem or
consumed with the drama you have going on in your life, that you don't even have
time for the thought of Christ?

You're spiritually exhausted.
There's a difference in being spiritually exhausted, when you're in ministry
(constantly traveling, running here and there, running everywhere.)
That's not what i'm talking about today. What I'm talking about is trap from satan.
You see, satan knows what women are like.
When you're surrounded by drama, hasn't it consumed your every thought?
Yep, I'm totally guilty.
What typically happens to a woman in the danger zone is she is so caught up in an
 issue with a friend/co-worker/family member or whatever the case is that it allows her to get
so emotional over the situation she don't even want to seek God..read her bible..or pray.
Am I right?
Then..
One night of missing her prayer time turns into 1 week, 1 morning of missing her daily
devotional turns into1 month. One time, that is how it begins.
You see, satan wants to exhaust you, drain you, and get your emotions out of wack because--
what happens when you're tired?
You're not as cautious of what you do.
You're a little careless.
You're blah.
You're no longer focused.
Being a Christian, is like running a race-- takes endurance, strength, stamina, and a lot of focus.

Exhaustion strips you of all that. It causes you to let your guard down because you're not
as focused, and as a result, that opens the door for satan to work.
Even if it's the slighest open door,even a small crack, he finagles his way in.
So what happens now is that one problem you had turns into 5 problems, that
one gossip session you were in on turns into a broken frienship, and mistrust,
now you feel like you're drowning and are so far from God...Ever feel that way?
All while satan's thinking, "I've got her right where I want her, drained & frustrated"
I laid in bed last night I was thinking of a million examples when I've been drowned with
personal problems, drama, or even a hectic schedule and how tired I felt. I remember during those
moments it was so hard to pray, it was so hard to read my bible,
it was just so tiring to think. During my prayer time last night God gave me wisdom to
understand the seriousness of staying focused on Him and not allowing what's surrounding you,
control you. Because once that door is open for satan to work, things compound.
Rest in Christ daily. No matter what's going on around you, focus.
Focus on His word daily, pray, witness, speak of Him etc, consume yourself with Him,
and remember when you're beginning to feel agitated & spiritually exhausted, get yourself
out of that trap...because you already know that's where satan wants you.
I pray whatever situation you're facing that God will give you clarity of mind,
peace, and strength to endure the fight. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and let everything
else fade away. 
2 Corinthians says
..." for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am made strong."
If you're weak in spirit today struggling with that spiritual exhaustion, I pray you
be made strong in Him now, in Jesus name, amen.

With love & prayer,
Est

Fun Friday

Today is fun Friday and I am in such a good mood : )! I decided I would share with you
 all this little activity we are doing at work today : ) Though I love talking about the Lord,
today I figured I'd share some things about me you may not know.

At work they asked us to list random things about ourselves because we are going
to play a game called "Guess who" (remember playing that game when you were young?)
anyways, I had to REALLY think outside the box because everyone knows me so
well around here. I am a pretty transparent person, but it sparked the idea I haven't
made a bucket list in a while and it's always good to remember the things you
someday want to accomplish and remind yourself of things you won't do : )

Top 10 things I'd like to do before I go to heaven : )
1. Sponsor a child in a 3rd world country.
2. Send my parents on a vacation.
3. Build a house in the country with pourch that wraps around the whole house.
4. Complete a triathlon race with my husband
5. Go to Jersualem and see the place where Jesus saved me.
6. Write a book. (in process)
7. Preach around the world.
8. Donate an organ to save someones life, if the situation ever happened
9. See my children graduate college.
10. Visit an orphanage.

10 things I know I will NEVER do before I go to heaven : )
1. Eat sushi haha
2. Swim in the middle of the ocean
3. Pet a lion
4. Sky dive
5. Paint my nails black & go to a heavy metal concert haha.
6. Say GD/ or curse God
7. Cut down a tree (yes i'm a bit of a tree hugger ha)
8. Smoke a cigarette/do drugs
9. hurt my children
10. divorce Stephen/ or disown a family member

A few random facts about me:
I like to eat pickles & jolly ranchers together.
When I'm upset I like to clean.
I LOVE the smell of a new book!
I wet my pants from laughing so hard in the 5th grade! haha
When I get a new outfit the first thing I do when I get home is try it on!
I cry when someone close to me has a baby.
I want to give money to homeless all the time.
I sometimes snort when I laugh really hard haha
and lastly, I always mess a joke up when trying to re-tell it to someone :( lol
Hey there's just some things you have to admit you're not the best at ; )

Hope this made you smile
Have a FUN FRIDAY
Love,
Est

Living out your purpose.

I don't even know how to begin this blog, so I'll start with the truth.
My heart breaks everyday for people who lose their life,
not knowing Christ...It's serious stuff. These people according to scripture are
(let me just paint a picture for you: in the darkest place, surrounded by demons,
in pain, thirsty, screaming for help, suffering, tormented, and I'm sure begging
they'd have just one more chance while Satan laughs in their face...
and maybe just maybe their thinking of friends and family they know are lost,
praying & hoping they will change before their time is up.
When you think of it like that, and make it real in your life and in your mind,
doesn't it stir something inside you?! Doesn't it make you wanna run to your neighbors
and ask them if they know Jesus? Doesn't it make you wanna call a friend who
you know is living a sinful life? (how do I know if it's a sinful life Est? Read
Galatians 5:16-26)
Doesn't it make you want to text all the contacts in
your phone to ask, DO YOU KNOW JESUS?
Doesn't it make the hairs stand on the back of your neck?! If that didn't do anything
for you read it again and place the name of someone you know that is lost. Won't you
do something about it??
My heart races, I just wanna scream off the top of the tallest mountain, world call on Jesus!
Call me crazy, a Jesus freak, I've heard it all, it doesn't matter--what mattes is I know
there are only 2 places we will all end up one day and it's up to me, it's up to you,
 it's up to us
to impact those we can.

I'll fill you in on what started all this. It's been about a week and half that I've noticed
a trend of young people dying on the news, local news, & even people I know
that have passed away.
I don't know about you, but it always does something to me, when I hear someone
has died. It is even more real, when it's someone you knew personally or knew of.
It puts life into perspective. It makes me realize, I'm not promised tomorrow. I have
ZERO time for mess ups. I have NO time to be messing around with the things of
this world. It haunts me. Then time passes & I can get so caught up in the things
going on in my world, that I  forget that there's a world out there that needs me!
 That needs you! People are dying everyday, and sometimes I forget my purpose.
I've made a decision to remind myself that their are neighbors I haven't reached or talked to,
people at work that may be going down the wrong path that I can reach, the cashier
at wal mart, people in line at star bucks, my waitress! Anywhere!
I ask you this question-Is it fair that you know Jesus and you keep him to yourself??
No, it's not. Well you may say, Esther, people don't want to listen to that, they'll say
i'm judging them or what if they reject me? Well guess what, it leads me
to my next point, none of that matters, you were called for this! You're living out your purpose.
This world, your city, your group of friends is your mission field.
 "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation" Mark 16:15

I don't have all the answers on how you go about witnessing, but one thing I want you
to get out of this is--Don't get so caught up in your struggles, your life, that you forget
others need you. God gave you 2 hands to touch someone, a heart to love all humanity,
and a mouth to speak of Him. Share Jesus. One person at a time. Pray for courage,
pray for wisdom in how to approach people, the point is to just do it! I'm making a stand
today and I hope you're with me to dig deeper within overselves to reach the lost. God called us
for this, then He will equip us with the right words and attitude and in Jesus name all
those we witness too with have an open heart and receptive ears to hear the good news!
You with me? I hope so because i'll leave you with this one last thing. In this life if living
for God  is all you do, no degree, no career, no friends, you never make a million dollars, you never
go on a fancy vacation--it's all good, all your rewards will be in Heaven!
Your Father is the King of Kings!
He owns the cattle on a thousand hills..one day we will walk the gold streets of Heaven
and oh you will be so thankful you did everything you could when you see that soul
you told about Jesus to walks through Heaven's gates! Can you see it? It is worth it.
It is worth getting told you're crazy, you're a Jesus freak, & be persecuted
because I can bet ya one day when those people hit rock bottom, guess who they
 will think of? Guess who they will seek out for help? You. So I encourage you today,
Live out your purpose, there is always more we can do. Think of it this way,
God has given you all these years to live,
that person you knew that has passed away isn't you. You're not in that coffin, God
has spared your life until now, be thankful! And give others the chance to one day
see Heaven, and to be as excited and passionate as you are about the Lord.
Give others what God has given,you.
A purpose.
A purpose to live.
Live out your purpose today & forever.
Love,
Est

Lies of the human eye.

What do you see in the mirror,
is that really how you view yourself?
Take a look--this is real life.

The lies of a human eye.

Some women would kill to look like this.

Wrinkles, Pimples.

Fighting the scale at 115 pounds.

So what causes all this? Why the insecurities? Why are we so concerned about our appearance?
Is it the media? People around you telling you something you're not? Believing you have to
meet a certain expectation to be loved?
Maybe you've never struggled with your outter shell, but for most women, it's happened
a time or two.  This blog is long past due. For the past few weeks, I've had a number
of women confess some of their insecurities or list's of self-conciousness, hoping that I could
bandage their wounds, but I'm not able to. God is our healer. These people really do deal
with emotional & mental illnesses--sadly, I would know because I once was sick too.

When I was younger,(more less in high school) I had a very athletic body, I was in my eyes,
what the world thought as "good looking"
I never had insecurities until my big breakout. The next part of my blog is pretty personal,
so please don't take what I'm saying for granted. So why post it if it's personal? Because
 I know I'm not alone on this. It's real life, and my sole purpose is to help others.
I was dating a boy for almost 3 years & I thought I was in love. Little did I know he would
cause me much scarring in my heart and on my skin. You see, I don't really blame him in
 the end, I blame myself--I was blinded. I didn't have the spiritual eyes God wanted
me to have. I was caught up in the things this world had to offer. I definitely reaped what
I sowed. I was full of vanity, pride & making sure I had the looks. But whose looks? The
looks that were appealing to men? or the looks God wanted me to have for him?
simply a pure heart-- That is beautiful to God, unfortuantely I didn't get it the first time
around.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to take care of yourself, because we should want to appeal our
husbands, represent Christ etc, what I'm saying is when that becomes your God,
when looks, the latest fashion or trends & materialism is all that consumes your
mind--it's a problem.

I was driving with a friend the other day and she started telling me how she was nervous
about meeting this new love interest sometime soon. I said, why you so nervous?
She began telling me how their phone conversation went, and that led to her needing
to diet and lose weight etc etc.
secretly my stomach cringed & my heart broke. I was busting at the seams to tell her-
They are ALL lies. This person told her, she needed to be this & that, fit, skinny, take care
of her hair once a week--I mean seriously? Do people really have time for a once a week salon
appointment? I was devestated and said everything I knew to say about how God accepts
us just as we are, so please don't feel insecure I begged. You are beautiful..you're gorgeous
can't you see it?! "No," she replied. I choked up--because I related once before.

After my boyfriend and I broke up I went through a 5 month treatment to rid my acne.
My body had gone completely bananas from the emotional state I was in. I saw a
dermetologist once a week & spend so much money. I can honestly say it was
the darkest time in my life. I felt like God was punishing me, I had turned
my back from the truth, I had ran so far from Him and His expectations only
to fulfill a man's expectations. Even though I don't believe in depression, I was
so close to it. I  prayed for 5 months straight,
"God rid this from me! I'll never be prideful and vain again I promise! I don't care
anymore to be beautiful, I just want to be beautiful for you"..I cried more than
I've ever cried those 5 months and rarely left my house/dorm I was so so insecure
I felt like...a monster.
I still get emotional to this day, because it was my most humbling experience.
God's word says that "those who exalt themselves, will  be humbled. And those
that humble themselves will be exalted". Luke 14:11
I can say this is SO TRUE. You see, I was told after a church service by a prophet that
 I was called to ministry. I was only 19 years old then. He told me I would reach
a lot of people for the Kingdom and  that where I went people would know me by
name. He said that I had better be preparing myself NOW for what
God was needing me to do--
but what did I do?
I turned from my calling. I ignored it, and let me tell you something when God needs
you and is telling you He does--He'll get your attention. God had to make me go
through something like this because I'm stubborn! He found a way to rid me,
break me of all pride because He wanted to use me for something bigger than
looks & we all
know God can not dwell & use a prideful soul. He wants all honor & glory.
Now you see why I'm always so careful about giving God the glory of anything good
that happens in my life. Present day- I'm healed, I'm free of all that. I have scars,(it's
not that bad, but still)  and you know
what?--they don't bother me. There was a time when I couldn't say that, but now
I realize that they are proof that I am healed! Amen--I'm not sick anymore. God healed me,
andfor that I'm proud and more confident than I ever was.
So what am I saying all this for? What's my point?
I'm saying all this because I have been through it and it's not
worth the emptiness & pain. Satan has mastered how to bring insecruity to women.
He fills their minds with "you're too fat, you're ugly, no body can love you,
you're this, you're that!"
they're all lies. God has not called us to be insecure, but to be confident. There
is a big difference in confidence in who God has made you and plain conceded.
I want to reach out to those women out there struggling with their self image. I promise
you a man's view, your momma's view, your friends view is not what's important and it's
not healthy most importantly, but God has made you beautifully! You have to believe that!
Psalms 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful"
(If you have to repeat that to yourself, please do.)
1 Samuel 16:7
"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance,
 but the LORD looks at the heart."
Matthew 5:8
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God"--notice it didn't say blessed
are those that are skinny, fit, baby faced with no wrinkles, it says those that
have a pure heart.

So again, it's ok be healthy, dress nice, impress your hubby,
but stay true to yourself. Don't let the things of this world lure you in,
if you're addicted to fashion magazines, trade that time you spend looking at that
and search deeper into God's word--see if He doesn't change how you feel about
yourself! If you look in the mirror and see nothing but negative things, pray God
changes how you view yourself, because those are the lies of human eyes.
And above all, if you got nothing
out of this, other than you are wonderfully made by God, then it was all worth it.
God created you just the way you are! His finger prints are on your
life--you can't get much more beautiful than that. : )

With Love & prayer,
~Est