I have a question

So one question: What is faith?


I’m talking about REAL faith…Honestly I just recently got a better understanding.

My husband and I have been traveling lately because of the holidays and it seems like every time we set out to go visit family or take more than an hour drive some place it sets something off in my mind to start thinking. Anyone that knows me knows I like silence + deep thinking + staring out the window lost in my thoughts= my cup of tea : )

On our most recent road trip it was a little different. Stephen played his favorite Hillsong CD and it took just one song to realize how I viewed faith. I can’t remember the exact song right now, but what I do know is the song had nothing to do with the word faith as a matter of fact didn’t even mention it; yet, that’s the message I received. You see sometimes when we speak words or rather I prefer to say “when we speak life” we don’t even realize that those words are literally capable of transforming minds & hearts internally. Our words are SO important. Our words have power to influence both negatively or positively. The things we speak- matter. The things we think- make a difference! What you think is what you say and the more you say something-the more you believe it.

Going back to my road trip, the song, and my thoughts…I started thinking while the song played “wow there really are times I think I have faith, but do I really believe it?” I literally sat in silence with my eyes full of tears because I knew God was showing me my lack of faith in certain areas. At times maybe we think we have faith, but faith is only a word when there is no belief to make it real. We can think a million positive things, but ever notice how it takes one negative comment to kill our positive thinking? One example off the top of my head: A couple years back I was going in to take one of my teaching certification exams, and as I was driving I was thinking “ok I’m going to pass this test I can do it!” But during the test I actually said out loud “man this stinks I dunno if I’ll pass” My “faith-like thinking” didn’t matter because what I actually spoke is what I really believed. And guess what? It became my reality and I did not pass. I missed it by ONE point. God has a sense of humor, but I did end up passing the second time : )

There are soo many scriptures in reference to what we speak. I 100% believe in positive thinking, but more importantly what I have learned is my words matter more than I understood. They have power. They influence my BELIEF which supports my faith….But sometimes I agree that our belief is challenged often. Maybe sometimes we can’t see a certain situation bettering itself, we can’t see a change in a person we’ve been praying for, we can’t see things looking up for us financially, everything is stagnate, and soo many other things, but I understand that having faith & believing is really not about what we CAN see, and thank the Lord He so graciously prepared us with scripture to sustain us during those challenging times…

“We live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

But in order to have “that” faith and be able to dismiss our sights, (aka challenges) we have to honestly examine ourselves….

What do we think about? What words do we speak out loud? End result what do we really believe?

So..one question: do you have real faith?

With love & prayer,

Est

Cherish Life's Moments

This past Sunday after church my hubby was so kind and took me to one of my favorite places to eat: On the Border. On our drive home I got to thinking about moments. Moments like the one we just had; where all we did was just sit and enjoy the company of one another as a family. I realized that it’s moments like that, that I crave. Moments that so often get overlooked or are never shared. I spend half my day thinking about others and wanting moments with them. I don’t say this with some sort of ego as if I’m some great person because of it; really what haunts me is the realization of death. Knowing that my day isn’t promised or the day of people I love isn’t a guarantee causes me to be mindful that our time is limited here on earth. And though it is true that once we leave this place we will reunite one day in heaven our focus then won’t be on sharing these moments that we get to enjoy now…


So, yes I am a little mushy, yes I can be beyond affectionate, a tad clingy, a bit expressive, and at times because of it I get in trouble but I simply can not help it. Some people may see it as a weakness, and because of the person I am little things possibly affect me more than they should, or eat at me when things aren’t right…but even if it is a weakness it’s worth being weak at those moments, because I never want to think-- I could of, should have, but didn’t. I’d rather try and try and try then quit.

Life to me may not mean what life means to others, but knowing it could be my last day or their last day, it really puts into perceptive “how do I want to live this day?” “Who do I want to live this day for?” Life to me is all wrapped around one word—Love. I try and make a personal choice to live each day not for myself but rather to love others and only then do I feel like I’m really living. There are several people that I have met that have said their only purpose in life is to make a lot of money, get promoted, reach the top, never marry or have children because they do not want responsibilities etc and while all that may be great for them, I sat and thought about those things and, they just could never be any of my goals.

I get weird looks sometimes when I tell people “I don’t have a lay out of plans for the future” and it’s funny because the reply never fails “so you don’t know what you want to do in life?” There are things I do desire and think about obviously because I am a parent and want to provide, but I guess I do not feel comfortable consuming myself with thoughts about the future when I don’t even know that I’ll see that day. All I know is what I have in front of me today…

IF God allows me to one day I would like to open a learning center for children. I may never make a million dollars, receive an award, make the news headlines, or have a fancy title; I simply just want to live a life full of moments I cherish with people I love: my family, my friends, children, the homeless, the elderly, people that are lost looking for some sort of hope in this life and people I have yet to meet. That’s it. That’s all I want. I sometimes ask myself if maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe I should be more driven?

...but something inside me just doesn’t allow me to live beyond today…

So what’s the point of my blog? Partially I just like writing down my thoughts, but also I’d like to give a friendly reminder to all my readers that even though this life is hectic and at times it can be easy to get swallowed in its busy schedule; I encourage everyone to take time out of their day to share moments with special people, give a friendly smile to someone in need, extend a helping hand, send a text or call just to say “I’m thinking about you” or “hope all is well” because those you love and those around you may be here today, but certainly not forever..
So...cherish life's moments.

“A friend loves at all times” Proverbs 17:17

With Love,

Est

Interesting, Ears--They do more than hear

Have you ever been so caught up in life that you inadvertently get off track on your regular devotion routine, regular prayer schedule or time spent with the Lord? That definitely happened to me these last couple weeks. Preparing for my trip back home had me so excited I couldn’t think about anything, but packing and planning. I said my prayers and read as much as I could, but I hadn’t been as dedicated as I usually am. Anyway, while I was home from about 6 am to 11 pm my day was scheduled and I was go go go-- with that being said it left me little time to get any one on one with God. No excuses totally my fault.


The Monday after my week long vacation came and I woke up extremely dizzy. I had never experienced such dizziness in a very long time if even ever; I showered, ate breakfast, drank water, and took my time getting dressed but nothing I was still dizzy. I worked through an 8 hour shift and nothing. Later on that afternoon I was on my way home from work I decided to get back to my usual routine of tuning into my Christian music radio station to hear some of God’s word and kind of unwind from the day. I have a bit of a drive from work to my home so I was able to hear a good testimony and a few great songs that really pulled at my heart strings…but then something interesting happened..I noticed I started to become less dizzy with every lyric I heard, with every word I sang, my dizziness grew more and more faint…then right there smack in the middle of my drive and in the middle of my worship I felt like the Lord visually showed me picture. It was a picture of an ear.

Yes, you read it right an ear. You know how when you look at something for a while then close your eyes you can kind of still see it? Well, that is kind of what it was like.

I didn’t understand why I had a picture of an ear in my mind until later when I was lead to research what an ears function is. #1- Ears do more than hear. They keep you balanced. According to my research in the inner ear, there are three small loops above the cochlea called semicircular canals. Like the cochlea, they are also filled with liquid and have thousands of microscopic hairs.

When you move your head; the liquid in the semicircular canals moves, too. The liquid moves the tiny hairs, which send a nerve message to your brain about the position of your head. In less than a second, your brain sends messages to the right muscles so that you keep your balance.

Sometimes the liquid in your semicircular canals keeps moving after you've stopped moving. To understand this better, think of filling a cup halfway with water. Now when you move the cup around in a circle in front of you and then stop you’ll notice how the water keeps swishing around, even after the cup is still. That's what happens in your semicircular canals when you spin in circles or go on a ride at an amusement park.

When you stop spinning or step off a ride, the fluid in your semicircular canals is still moving. The hairs inside the canals are sensing movement even though you're standing still. That's why you can become dizzy, become unbalanced. Once the fluid in your ear stops moving, your brain gets the right message and you regain your balance….so what was God telling me?

I figured out that He used my physical dizziness to show me just how spiritually dizzy and spiritually unbalanced I was…I was so busy going in circles from here to there and everywhere, that I had an unbalanced agenda. I was completely off my schedule of devotionals, prayer time, bible studying and because I did not stop in my tracks to hear from Him… I got dizzy in my spiritual world ha, amazing. Now that I’ve let my world settle and opened my ears back up to hear from Him, I realize the significance of why God showed me just a picture--He didn’t speak, He didn’t correct me right then, He simply placed a picture of an ear in my mind and now I understand what He wanted me to know…

He wanted me to know that our ears, even though they are such a small piece of our bodies, they can really make a difference in how we feel. My 2 weeks off preparing for vacation and being on vacation you would think, such a small amount of time away from Him in comparison to the time I’ve been devoted, but it makes all the difference in how I feel…God wants us committed everyday, no breaks even when on vacation : ) and I’m ok with that because otherwise my world is hectic and so unbalanced. I never would have thought that I would be learning a spiritual lesson on ears, but they were really meant to do more than just hear…they are what keeps us balanced physically and more important spiritually. Always keep your ears open to hearing God’s word in anyway you can because I first hand know it's what brings balance to our lives..what’s funny is I’ll never look at Romans 10:17 the same…

“So faith balance comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ”

I get it now.

The Music Game

So, there's a blog music game and I wanna play too :)

If someone close to you died, name a song you'd play at their funeral
--Dancing with the Angels by Monk & Neagle

A song you dedicate to a child
--Well for my daughter specifically: In my daughter's eyes by Martina Mcbride

A song that makes you thankful
--When I think about the Lord by Shane & Shane

A song that reflects how you feel towards the world
--Be near by Shane & Shane

A song you dedicate to your family and friends
--Lean on me by Bill Withers

A song that makes you dance
--Freedom by Indiana Bible College

A song that reminds you of an ex:
--Umm pass :)

A song that makes you cry
--Goodness just one? There's SOO many, but a couple off the top of my head are Butterfly Kisses and I can only Imagine.

A song that describes you
--Set the world on fire by Britt Nicole or My Desire by Jeremy Camp

A song that gives you hope
--From the Inside Out by Hillsong

A song that is dedicated to you
--Well my husband says his song to me is I cross my heart by George Strait

A song you love but can't sing
--The More I seek you By Kari Jobe

A song that annoys you
--Brass Monkey by Beastie Boys

Isn't this your story of Redeeming Love?

So as many of you know, for the past week I have been reading the novel “Redeeming Love”
It is probably one of the best books I’ve ever read, but interestingly enough, there’s another story that’s just a tad better. ..


Last night I was talking with my husband about the book Redeeming Love as it was coming to an end, sharing with him my thoughts—he mentioned a story in the Bible of the similar underlying theme, so early the next morning I woke up and studied it out for myself. I read for about an hour gathering the similarities of the book “Redeeming Love” and the book of Hosea. And this is where I want to begin.

Hosea chapter 1-3 you can read it on your own time, but here’s the summary.

First off, Hosea utterly defines the terms: merciful, forgiving and loving. He absolutely amazes me in the same way Job amazes me…and because I thought Redeeming Love was such an amazing story, when I read Hosea’s story from the Bible it impacted me much more being that it’s God’s Word. Not a fiction love story. I find that with every word I read in the Bible, it seems that it gives me either direction, faith, discipline, or sets an example. But in this case, more than setting an example of a human expressing mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love; Hosea is used to prophetically symbolize the Cross, (the Love of Christ for His people) which comes in the New Testament. There is no better love story than the Cross.

In the opening chapter of the Book of Hosea, God asks something very unusual. The LORD said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the LORD.” Hosea 1:2 and so the prophet Hosea did as he was told, he married the harlot named Gomer. Gomer bore Hosea 3 children. 2 boys and 1 girl. The meaning of each child’s name represented God’s chastisement towards the people of Israel for being adulterous, prostitutes, and lovers of the flesh. But anways back to my story. After Gomer had 3 children with Hosea, she did exactly what God told Hosea she would do.

..she is going to be unfaithful to you; in fact, she will become nothing but a common street prostitute..

I’m sure once this started happening Hosea felt the pain of his wife being unfaithful he remembered God’s whisper…”regardless of her actions, I want you to love her anyway.”

What a challenge!! How many of us could honestly say we’d marry a person knowing they would be unfaithful to us, not once, not twice but become nothing but a common street prostitute? I think if I was asked that of myself, I’d have to refuse, but you see that is why Hosea is so great, in spite of his puzzled request, he’s obedient..something I would not have been able to follow through on…funny enough, it’s shown me a great lesson..and I’ll get to that in a minute.

Gomer is being passed from man to man, until at last she fell into the hands of a man who was unable to pay for her food and her clothing. News of his wife came to Hosea and the Lord said to him, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods…” Hosea 3:1
So Hosea went to the marketplace and as he watched Gomer being brought up and placed on the dock she was stripped of all her clothing and stood naked before the crowd…the auctioner says "let, the bidding began."
Hosea bought her with everything he had and said to her,” “You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man” and so it was, Gomer was bought, was loved regardless, and was forgiven.

So you ask what makes this story better than any I’ve read? Well…



This is my story.

Maybe this is your story.

I once was like Gomer; a prostitute being passed around by one sin to another, turning from one god to another…::sigh:: a faithless human heart falling deceptive to all the attractiveness of the world..or so I thought was attractive…But someone bought me back. Someone bought you back.

He loved us…regardless of our unfaithfulness to Him...He loves us…my mind cannot wrap about His kind of love--the price he paid was more than anything Hosea could have gave, it was worth more than anything in this whole universe..and while still loving us on that day at the auction (Calvary) He said, “come back to me, I loved you from the beginning and chose to be in a relationship with you EVEN though I knew you’d turn away from me, but here I am at 33 years of age spreading my arms for you…buying you back.”…
::silence, except the sound of tears hitting the keyboard::



Jesus,
thank you.

The Season Of Thanksgiving


In everything give thanks…1 Thessalonians 5:18

With thanksgiving right around the corner I wanted to set some time down to write out my 2010 reasons why I am thankful this season. Bible says that in everything we should give thanks and though I often do so, this season magnifies and reminds us to be thankful more than any other time of the year. So here I go: I warn you I’m letting you inside my brain and my thoughts…sometimes they are a little weird : )

#1. I am thankful for life. I woke up from my sleep last night, I’ve been given another day. I have air in my lungs and my health is great. I am thankful for the life of my family--immediate and extended. I am thankful that I have not had to go through the sadness of saying goodbye to a close relative or friend. I am thankful for the friendships God has blessed me with. I truly feel like we were created for one another. My friends offer the things I don’t have and vice versa, but God did it perfectly so we complete one another on a friendship level. I feel like my friends are like my family, I love them just as much. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for true love…I’m thankful he has never beat me, taken advantage of me, treated me ugly, called me any sort of bad name, but rather blesses and shows me he loves me daily. He prays for me, he loves me unconditionally, works hard for me and our children, doesn’t cheat or come home drunk (you may be laughing, but I’m really thankful he’s a God fearing man!) I love my marriage. I am very thankful for it. He is the man of my prayers. I am thankful that God was merciful enough to consider me worthy of having children. I am a mother of 2 beautiful, healthy children and for that I rejoice daily! There is no greater feeling than hearing the words “Momma” I am thankful for my salvation and my eternal home, heaven. I am thankful that God’s grace is upon me forgiving me daily of all my wrong doing. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit is constantly convicting me giving me opportunities after another to change what I’m doing or prevent me from doing. I am thankful I can hear God’s whisper and know when I am hearing from my Father. I am thankful that I can feel God’s presence so heavy in my home. It is so comforting to sleep at night knowing HE is standing in the room with us. God you are always welcome in my home and everywhere we go! I am thankful that I know God’s truth. I am thankful that I don’t have to wonder if there is a God, He is ever so present in my life. . I am thankful for God's mercy, because then I know how to give out mercy to those around me.  I am thankful that my family & friends are saved because one day we’ll all spend eternity together and I’ll never lose any of you! I am thankful that I am not perfect and have flaws. I am thankful for being different.



I am thankful for my amazing parents and my close knit relationship with them. They have worked extremely hard to provide for me and my siblings. They are Godly parents who have done nothing, but raise me in the ways of the Lord. I am thankful for their prayers because I know they are constantly blessing me and my lil family. I am thankful for having a house, a vehicle, food, clothing and a good paying job. I am thankful that I can see, taste, walk, hear and talk. I am thankful that I have all my fingers, toes, and limbs. I am thankful that I have a college degree. I am thankful that I don’t have to wake up everyday wondering what my purpose in life is. I am thankful that I have passion. I am thankful for adoption agencies. I am thankful for orphanages where at least children have a place to go. I am thankful for giving people that donate to good causes. I am thankful for forgivness of others. I am thankful that I know how to love even when it is not responded. I am thankful for the internet; it makes life for me so much easier : ) I am thankful for the ocean, mountains, sun, rain and animals. I am thankful for good inspiring people that challenge and impact my life. I am thankful for good folk/indie music. That’s the best kinda music right there : ) I am thankful for warmth. I never like being too cold. I am thankful for humble people. I really dislike arrogance. I am thankful for faith, it has gotten me more places than I could ever imagine. I am thankful for teachers, nurses, hospitals, fire fighters, soldiers, social workers, and all who service everyone but themselves. I’m thankful for medicine to heal the ill. I’m thankful for so many more things, but I feel like this list scratches the surface of the thankfulness in my heart. I really do thank God for all of it, to Him be the Glory for being able to even say thanks for anything! This life is precious, and even more precious when you stop in your tracks and thank Him for all the blessings in your life.

With love,
Est

Things that make me smile : )

So, I saw "Things that make me smile" written somewhere and when I read that, I began thinking
of all the things that make ME smile. I think it is so interesting the different things that make people
smile....I decided to make my own list as to remind
myself of the things I love and never forget.
You know sometimes, we overlook the little things, the little things that warm
our hearts, so I encourage you, take time one day and write down the things that make you smile...
see what you come up with : )

Things that make Esther Vanover smile:
*Children. I love Children!
*A rainy day and a good book.
*Fluffy dogs with wild hair.
*The laughter of a small child.
*The innocence of child.
*A rainbow.
*Seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time.
*A good firm hug.
*Finding money in my pockets. Or finding something that was lost.
*Getting a random text from a friend.
*Hearing from my parents.
*Thinking of a vacation that I'll one day take.
*Helping someone in need.
*Good food. That REALLY makes me smile. And my belly smiles too haha.
*Heart felt, sincere words.
*Someone accepting Jesus as their savior.
*Learning something new.
*Seeing Addie's face after a long day at work.
*Feeling Maddox kick
*Laying in bed with my Husband on a Saturday morning.
*Feeding my family a good meal
*Winning
*Looking at my wedding ring.
*Smell good products--for my hair, house, whatever. I love smelling good
*A hot shower.
*Getting a back massage.
*When I tell a funny joke and people laugh.
*Not wearing make up and Stephen still says, "you're beautiful"
*Hearing my favorite song on the radio
*Having my house clean.
*A good testimony.
*Bouncing back from a failure.
*Knowing I'm one day going to see Jesus
*When I feel like I really understand a scripture
*Being right in an argument with Stephen lol hey it makes me smile this is MY list. haha
*Buying gifts for people.
*Being a positive influence on someone.
*Knowing good things are happening for others.
*A good  positive conversation in person or on the phone.
*Playing with Addie or seeing her learn something new.
*Watching Adalie and her daddy play, the way he looks at her makes me sigh.
*A beautiful painting.
*Seeing a new city
*The ocean, stars, & sky.
*A field full of lilies.
(And I'll leave you with one last smile, maybe even a chuckle...)
*Going to the bathroom after holding it in for a while...ahhhh : )

Laugh Often, Love Much, and Live Well
-Est

What makes you smile?

Letter to God

::My quiet time::
Recently I was inspired to write my own letter to God in a safe place I'll never lose, like my blog.
Enjoy.

Dear God,
Though you know the innermost part of my being, I can only hope that through my free writing I am able to
encourage myself when I forget the tune of this song my heart sings to You.


I love you. More than anything. Not because of what you did, or what You do for me, but simply because of who You ARE. My father.
You created me when you didn't have to. You knit me together in my mother's womb and called me
wondeful. You planned a purpose for my life and shield my way down it's path. You...are my love.

Though I've never physically seen You, I've seen your hand, your works, your signs....And every bit
of that has left me speechless, my mind can not fathom your splendor.

You touched my heart at an early age and since then you have dwelled in the core of its very beat.

At times, I get lost in my own selfishness, but I thank the Holy Spirit who is consistently drawing me near to You.  Jesus, Never leave my heart.
This world, it has nothing for me, yet I'll never be good enough to resist its sin. I can only but try my best
to be purified through you daily, die to my flesh, take up my cross and continue to follow You....
but even then I fail at that.
Jesus I want to be just like You, but just like John the baptist said, neither I would even be
worthy enough to carry your sandals.
Holy Spirit you remind me. You remind me, that though I was born into sin and should probably deserve death for all my wrong doing, I am more than qualified to be called a Child of God and
A princess to the King of Kings.

I humbly ask that you always remind me of that precious blood I have been washed in.
That precious blood that was shed on my behalf and calls me redeemed.


There are moments I cannot move, so Holy Spirit move through me. Take me in the direction that will
serve your will for me. Shut my mouth to resist ungodly talk.
If I have to speak , let it be You to speak through me. Never let the Word I share with others return void.
Shut my eyes to ungodly sights.
If I need to see anything, please show me where to look. Close my ears from empty words.
If I must hear, please whisper your message into my heart in a way that I can understand.
Direct my feet from ungodly roads.
If I must walk, let it be tracing the prints you've already marked. If I should stop in my ways, give me a
gentle push beyond fear and doubt...This is my prayer.

Lastly, perfect me in the ways You desire. My heart, it belongs to you.
I am yours.
All of me.

Bad company & constant knocking of sin at our door

Forgive me in advance, but in this blog it’ll be more like a vent session than anything else.. I have been so heavy hearted about something…


I am surrounded by many types of people on a daily basis…. And at times it can be challenging to continue to set yourself apart from staining personalities (I’ll explain), but it’s imperative that we do. Recently, I saw just how easy an unbeliever or maybe a “not as mature believer” can stain/influence a churched person aka believer..

I’ve been very observant of a very familiar routine. Without saying too much, I’ll give a brief example of a real life situation. I frequently over hear vulgar or unpleasant conversations. They go in one ear and out the other, but a few days ago I actually witnessed a conversation between a couple folks that made me feel down right uncomfortable. It was distasteful, full of gossip and just something I want no part of. One of the two people involved usually kept a good reign on their tongue, so I figured they would pull out of the conversation like usual, but surprisingly they didn’t. As a matter of fact, it was the complete opposite. They joined right in and began stirring up more slander, more useless words, and more fire. Being honest, I was upset maybe because I had higher standards for that particular person, but I was more upset to see a believer stained by a constant knocking of sin…

You see there are many sins that knock at our doors day in and out, and ultimately it is up to us whether we allow that door to be opened. When our door is being consistently knocked on with that same sin/aka influences of certain people, we usually do one of two things: continue and ignore the bang or let that sin right in. I’m a visual person and in my mind that’s how I view it.

I was driving home one day after a stop at wal mart and God showed me something  interesting through caramel apples. I was craving caramel apples so I was excited to eat one. You know they come in single packs or a package of 3. I of course got the package of 3 : ) I’m preggo I can’t help it. Anyways, I opened the package and began eating one. After about 3 bites I noticed a weird substance growing on the caramel. After spitting that out, I looked to see if the other two had the “growing substance” on them, and in fact the one I had started eating first, definitely had spread its disease. Because of the closeness to the rotten apple, there was a spreading of infection. Neither of the other two apples were removed in time, so they too were no good. At that moment I realized what God was showing me. When we surround ourselves with people that we know carry a particular disease and we KNOW through the test of time they don’t have a relationship with Christ, but we continue being that close they can begin to influence us, stain us with just a little of their disease, and ultimately fully infect us if we’re not removed on time. That is exactly why the bible is so clear to say in 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." And that is exactly what’s going on in many people’s lives that I know personally…and that just breaks my heart.

To either “be nice” or “not feel superior” to people they blend themselves right in, but the truth is you don’t have to be mean, you don’t have to act like your better, but you must separate yourself from darkness, for we know the light and the dark don’t mix plain and simple, approach it with great wisdom. It took me many years to learn how to separate myself, I was once a fool of blending right in because I wanted acceptance. Then I learned whose acceptance mattered…and when I realized the entrance to heaven wasn’t given to me by being cool or fitting in, but by following God, things changed pretty quick.

“But Est, I’m not going to the party to get drunk, I’m just going to ‘hang out’ it’s boring on Saturday nights” Ok, but just know you will be stained. Take a coal for example, when it’s on fire it is HOT and if you touch it you get burned, but when that coal settles if you touch it you may not get burned, but what happens? Ever touched a dry coal, it stains your hand. It marks you with its color. You may not get burned but it marks you as one of them. Think of the people you consider friends. Should they be your friends? Should you go to the places they go? Should you support their lifestyle? Shouldn’t we be “that” friend that is saying “I know I’m not perfect, but I also know this continious lifestyle isn’t pleasing to God according to His word” and pulling them the opposite direction? That’s a real friend. Knowing that what this world has to offer is temporary, but what really matters is what takes place after this life and sharing that with your friends or acquaintances. What I am NOT saying is to cut people off and not extend an invite the other direction, but what I AM saying is cut off their influences, cut off their consistant knocking at your door…

Sis, bro, whoever is reading this--Keep your door slammed shut, locked and bolted when you’re around outside influences,

never touch fire,

and much less a settled coal for we know its purpose is to stain what Christ has already washed.

We are still the clay

"We are the clay, you are the potter" Isaiah 64:8

The room is quiet, and all is still...
I take advantage of these moments and lift my eyes to the one who makes the moon reflect the sun...
Then, I get lost in thought.
What do I think about? ::Sigh:: everytime it's something new. As gaze over the sky, looking at how
huge it is and how many stars their are, I think...each star must represent a child of God.
They shine so bright and are so beautiful...but at times, at times we lose our shine, we lose our beauty--
not in the eyes of God, but in our own eyes. Then saddness sets in.
I think of the endless miles of sky that covers all the universe and I think, that must be just how big
His love is for us...breath taking..

For the past few days, I've dug my nose in my bible and read what seems like verses I'd never seen before.
And maybe just maybe, there was a reason for it.
 Tonight, I want to encourage someone out there, that is down, restless, uncomfortable, uneasy...You are
on my heart. Going back to how people view themselves, it amazes me at how differently God sees us.
You may think, I don't have it all together like so and so, well guess what? They don't either.
But Est,I don't think I can really be this or that? Well where is your faith? In yourself or in God?
Think about it..
But it seems like all bad things happen to me and everyone around me is so happy? Does the Bible not say
that in all things God works for the good of those who love him?
And that He has a plan and purpose for all who love Him?
There are so many thoughts that bog us down daily, and strip us from doing the things God has called us to do...we are so distracted with....can I be honest? Ourselves. Our thoughts. Our ideas.
The way you view yourself, is nothing like God views you and nothing like your fellow Christians view you. So what's my point?
we all make mistakes, you know the beauty in these mistakes?
 Is that they are what make you human. Yes, we are respondsible for being Christ-like and
representing Him well, but if you and I were perfect, then would Jesus' death be in vain?
We're going to mess up, we're all going to fall short of His glory, don't let errors of everyday
weaken your faith, weaken your thoughts of yourself and who you are IN CHRIST, because
sister , brother, friend let me tell you something...You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are
designed by the hands of an Almighty God, You shine like the brightest star when He looks at you,
You are a Child of a living God.
How 'bout that?
Dust yourself off, get back up and in Jesus name, walk in faith and remember always remember,
We (His children, me, you) are still the clay, He is the potter (Isaiah 64:8)
Everyday you slip up, remember God is smoothing that kink out, when you feel like you're lost in your troubles, ideas, mess ups, remember you are being shaped and molded even in your trails, so today...
Right now, be thankful that you are still the clay.
You're not finished.

Today, I'm sending flowers.

I was reading a blog of a dear sister of mine, Theresa, and her blog completely moved me to the
point I had to respond. She spoke of a little old man in her church that had lost his wife years ago.
He stood up and began speaking great things of another gentleman (standing next to him) and
stated the words "We wait too late to send flowers"
He was talking about the flowers that we send to someones funeral. It's amazing to me that so many
times we think the world about someone, but never share it. Today, I don't want to wait until your
funeral to tell the world how much you've helped me, how much I loved you, what memories we
had together, how good of a friend you were to me..Today, I'm sending flowers while I have you
here. Now, I may not mention my immediate family (hubby, mom etc) but because I feel like I tell
ya'll all enough, but to those I don't always tell you how great you are, this is for you.

Sissy-I love you. You have taught me so much. You've taught me that sometimes the world isn't
always the nicest, but the bigger lesson I've learned is: you're a true example of what God's grace
can do--Turn someone around over night.
You have a heart full of love to give to all and I hope that one day you can reach across the furthest
lands to spread that love you have in your heart.

Eloise- Thank you. For everything. I can't imagine my life without a friend like you. You've never
failed me, but always have been there. No matter what is going on in my life good or bad, you're
there for it and for that I could never repay you.

Jax-You have a heart of gold. Plain and simple.
You have seen me at my worst and at my best, and yet always
 remained faithful as my friend. You've always loved me, for who I was (goofy, silly, sometimes
 insecure of myself) and still till this day, I know you take me as I am and are one of my biggest fans.
You are my sister, who I'd never trade for anything in this world!

Kaylie-I've never met a more sincere person than you. Something that I've learned from you is to
smile. No matter what is going on around you, you brave a smile and to me your smile speaks
volumes.Your genineness is like no one else, you may not say a whole lot, but when you do people
can rest assure you're sincere and I promise your few words have impacted many lives.
I know I can always count on you to be a true friend and for that I love you.

Becky-My sweet little cousin, you're a doll. Thank you for always being there for me when
Stephen was deployed. Whether it was taking me to get food or just always extending a
helping hand. It was one of the toughest times in my life, and you were always there to lift me
up when I needed it the most. I'll never forget that. You have a huge chunk of my heart.

Holly-You're the strongest woman I've ever befriended. I thank you for two things: making
me realize that my bad days are nothing compared to what they could be and two never letting
me forget who it is that comes to our rescue everytime. Sometimes people don't give God the
 recognition of where their life could have gone had it not been for His grace, but you are always
quick to give God the glory. Thank you for helping me sharpen my strength in Christ.

Marcie-It seems like I've known you for years! I love how comfortable we are with one
another. I've never had that come so easily when I first meet someone.
I've watched you grow into such an amazing woman of God and let me tell you, I can bet it has
encouraged many people besides myself. Thank you for all your prayers, because if I know
one thing about you, it's that I can always count on you to lift me up when I need it most. You
are very special and dear to my heart!

Jeanie-When I think of you, I think of someone that will be my friend regardless what I do. I honestly
feel that if I committed a crime, you'd still back me up against the world. You are the true definition
of faithful. I'm so glad that we were able to stay friends regardless of the other circumstances you
went through, because that just shows how strong our friendship really was and is. You know I
will always be in your corner. Love you to pieces

Kaci-You're my sister in law and not to be biased, a pretty amazing one! I knew I married into a
good family, but when I met you I realized I married into a greeat family. You have always been
nothing but sweet to me and encouraging. I know in the last couple months I really leaned on you
and I'm so glad I did, because you were always there to listen. Even if you didn't say much, knowing
you were on the other end made all the world of a difference. Thank you for being so caring.

Anna- I really miss you. You are ALWAYS going to be special to me because you were the first
person I trusted with my baby outside my family. You made the transition from being a stay
at home mom to a working mom so easy for me. You always made me feel comfortable knowing
Addie was in good hands and you'll never know how much I appreciated you. It was so hard
for me to let Addie go, but you are seriously an angel. I would trust you with any of my children
so come back to the US so you can be my personal nanny! :)


Shelley MacDonald- I just want to say that I may not know you as
well as I should, but something you need to know is when I get older and my children have children,
I want to be as good of a grandma as you are to your grandbabies. You honestly have such
a sweet soul. God bless you always Gma Shelley!

T- I'm not even sure there are words to describe you other than beautiful!
Thank you for being who you are. You are an example of what it means to shine your light for Christ.
You've encouraged and motivated me when I've had a rough day. I thank you for your love
for God and your willingness to express it outloud. I think you are an amazing woman of God
and bless all those in connection with you.

Staci- I can't thank you enough for our many conversations about God and church. I love
how you push me to go further and deeper with my relationship with God. You've said sometimes
you run people off because of your outspokeness of God, well I say it's drawn me to you! And
through you, I've learned that everyday we encounter people going to hell and it's OUR job to be
a voice of hope.
Please continue to be that voice, because the few you run off will not compare to the many you
bring to Christ! You rock sister!

Missy-There is something about you that I love. Though I do not know
you on a personal level, I've noticed your constant reach out to me through facebook. I've been
following your facebook for a while, and all I can say is I hope my daughter grows up to have many
of your qualities. You are such a smart, sweet, level headed girl, and yes I hope that one day
you can give my Addie piano lessons! She'll learn from the best for sure! :)

Delana & Cecilia- You guys are put together for a reason lol. Maybe it's because I really see
ya'll as close as sisters, but to both of you I feel the same about. I love you
girls, ya'll have known me since before I could shave my legs and though we've drifted apart
over several years, we've never lost our friendship. You guys have always had my back and
always told me I could do anything. You both give me hope and never fail to tell me I am doing
a good job even when I feel like I'm not. Ya'll mean the world to me, honestly. Thank ya'll.

Madison- You make me want to dream. I love you for your braveness. When I think of
someone I would want to be for a day, it may just be you because I think of you and how much
of a chicken I am in comparison to you. Ha! You aren't afraid to take risks and live,
(close to Jesus of course) but what I mean is not live in fear, not live in the fear of unfamiliar,
you dare to dream and that is so admirable to me. you'll never know how much I appreciate your
outgoing attitude.
If I could be a 1/4 of who you are, I know I'd just be that much more of a well rounded person.
You seriously are an all-star in my book!

Denise, Tavia, Kira, Whitney, Krystle, Malinda, Cassie Cambern, Ruby, Jazmin
Mysti, Ashley S. Aunt Tanya, Momma Debbie, Mindy F, Cadie Cat & Erin P-
 All you girls do one thing to me: keep me
encouraged! I definitely take notice, because it is so important to me. Everyone needs a good
support system and I know I have that in each of you!
Ya'll each have pushed and encouraged me at some point with your sweet comments,
to continue doing what I do. Thank you all for your words, ya'll have kept me going when I'm barely
truckin'. Love ya'll!

Voice Of Truth

To all my faithful followers, I do apologize for not blogging in a while. I have
been experiencing a lot of change in my life over the last several weeks. I took time to just
really clear my mind and try to hear from the Lord. You know, I don't know if you've every
gone through a big change in your life, (not like changing houses or cars, but more like a change
of lifestyle, a new job, more added to your plate, change of what you've been used to for the last
 several years)
That's scratching the surface of my circumstances.
Once God sets us up exactly where we need to be I'll fill you all in. Right now, there are plans--
but God ultimately has to direct our steps towards the correct one.
Can I admit that I'm human and a part of me was scared? Yea, just a little...because what happens
when a person is going through an unexpected change?...You try to gather your thoughts and
work things out in your own mind right? You try to think of  best way to go about, but what's
funny is a lot of times you'll make a plan based on what the easiest way out is...No one
likes the tough roads... I can say that at this point in my life, God is stretching my faith
more than He ever has. I am learning to believe God like never before, there's a difference in
knowing there's a God (satan himself knows there's a God of this universe) but BELIEVING in Him...it's completely different....so what I mean is even when my physical eyes can not see how it all is going to work
I must trust in God's word, and rely on my heart because that is where my Jesus dwells.

So I said all that to say, today I'm getting better. I'm getting better for everything God's testing me with.
I'm getting better because I'm growing IN Him. It's too easy to follow Christ when all your ducks
are in a row, but when you're put in hot water--the real you comes out.
Trusting can be one of the hardest tasks God gives us. Why? Because we're human, by nature
we are control freaks. We have to always have a plan, make sure WE know what's going on
and more often than not rely on our own understanding. BUT that is not what God says, you see
I am guilty of this. My first reaction to this new change was ok: I'm gonna do this and that,
I'm gonna go here and there. blah blah blah. Everyday for the last 2 weeks
it's consumed me, and I'd try to work
things out in my own mind with prayer of course, but the point is I couldn't be still and know He
was God and had everything in control...I'd have my own ideas and thoughts then I'd chew on it for
a few hours & immediately I'd think, what IF and what IF and what IF...::afraid of the unfamilar::
All these voices in my head pulling me every which direction...
 This past week for 3 days in a row He spoke to me through music. Every morning before work the same song played for me as I drove to work.
Casting Crowns "Voice of truth" The first day I thought, I love that song, such a good message..
but on the second day, it tugged at my heart a little differently and started speaking to me, then
the third day in a row
I was a puddle of tears because I KNEW what God was speaking into my life.
"But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Est, you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
 

And that my friends is God's voice,  His Word, His path.
've learned a big lesson, everyday we're hearing voices..
billboards advertising beers, cigarettes, bars...TV commericals showing weight loss pills,
sadly even some religious books that have come up with their own ideas of God, magazines,
and internet --I saw an advertisment ad online saying
 "Have an affair, you only live life once "I kid you not and sometimes if you're not careful when
going through a tough situation, you'll start listening and believing a voice that isn't God's.
FYI: Be careful who you allow to counsel you, be careful who you trust with your inner most desires
different voices can kill your dreams...I'm not sure who that was for, but I wasn't
trying to get on that topic..

I know what I'm experiencing is not over, not even close, but what I know
is in my heart I no longer have to wait in worry, but I can rest in what I know is already being
taken care of in advance for me! Thank you Jesus.
 I encourage you today, if you're going through something life
changing and are a little unsure because you've never experienced it or can't phyiscally
see and understand  how it is going to all work out, just know it's ok, cause really you're
not suppose to know everything...
Again, quit listening to outside voices but rather
consume yourself in God's word and believe the voice of truth...
His voice.
 
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight"

Proverbs 16:3
"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
 
And my all time favorite:
Luke 1:45
Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"
 
...And all He told me to do is believe, the voice of truth.

The greatest Parable of God's love

This story is very popular and recognized as the greatest parable Jesus ever gave.
The Prodigal Son.
I love this story for many reasons, but the main reason is how it shows the unconditional love
we have in God, the forgiveness our God gives us, and an example of how we should be towards
others.

If you're unfamililar with the story you can read Luke 15:11-32, but for now I want to focus on
verses 18-24
18'I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven,
and in your sight; 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of
your hired men."' 20"So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way
off, his father saw him at a distance and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him
and kissed him. 21"And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your
sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
22"But the father said to his slaves, 'Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and
put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet;  23and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us
eat and celebrate;  24for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again;
he was lost and has been found.' And they began to celebrate...

This particular son sets out on his own adventure. And is essence sometimes we do the same.
We go off in our "have it all together" path of what we think life should be like and improperly
spend/misuse everything the Lord has given us. Once our plan runs out and we've exercised
all our options, guess who we turn to? God.

This story can be overlooked at times, but really it has so much we can learn from.
If you notice when the son returns humbly to admit his faults, the father embraces him.
He doesn't scold him, he doesn't ask questions, he opens his arms and gladly welcomes
him back home where he belongs. Our God is the exact same way. When we are totally
off the road and off track, God waits patiently, with loving compassion to restore us when
we return to Him with humble hearts. He offers us everything in His kingdom, restoring full
relationship with joyful celebration. He doesn't even dwell on our past offenses. God
is truly amazing and I believe if we could all get ahold of what it really means to be Christ-like
this world would be a more forgiving, and loving world.
Today I want to encourage you to go back home, where you now know
our Father is waiting for you. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of
God (Romans 8:39). From this day forward, you no longer have to dwell on your past,
 maybe you've made the same mistakes over and over, but God sees past that.
That's the difference between God and people.
People may forgive, but rarely ever forget...our God does both. You no longer
have to go on feeling unworthy of God's love or feel unfit to be His child
because of the things you've done, we've all fallen short of God's glory and as you see here,
you are always being waited on with arms wide open. Run back home. What are you waiting for?

With love & prayer,
Est
I

I'm pregnant.

You may have noticed my title and thought this was about the new baby I have in my
belly, but it's not. You see, through-out me finding out I was physically pregnant, God
revealed much more to me than the obvious. He showed me that I had already been
pregnant some time.....

I am only 9 weeks pregnant with a real baby, but years pregnant with a calling.
When I was going to bible college, I always had aspirations to be involved in ministry and
till this day...I can't get away from it. I've come to the point where I can't even
stay focused at work anymore. All I want to do is read and study scripture.
More than ever, I feel like God is
stretching my faith, pushing me closer to the edge...
my birthing time is near.....and I'm so anxious.



I've been pregnant with a passion, and a burning desire to show other's the love of Christ
and how HE can make a difference in your life, but I have a confession,
for so long I was scared of rejection, that I barely kept that fire lit. Lately this flame
feels like it's been ignited with gas, because more than ever--
I'm ready to set the world on fire.
I played my favorite song on facebook the other day, you might have heard it, but when
I said it was my hearts anthem, you really have no idea how much I truly meant it.
I'm consumed with thoughts of one day speaking to a crowd big or small it doesn't matter
about the love of Jesus, in hopes of them receiving a supernatural blessing and giving their lives to
the Lord! I see myself writing books to encourage, motivate and to help
 heal the broken hearted.
I see myself in Church counseling youth teaching them that what this world offers has nothing
on our savior. I see myself feeding the starving children and sacrificing the luxuries
we have in America to spend time with the less fortunate. I see my children, walking the streets
of America/Africa/China wherever God sends us leading the young to Christ and
 proclaiming that Jesus lives becausewithout Him we are nothing! I see my family & I,
traveling to Israel one day seeing the very place Jesus Christ
died for our sins. I see myself opening a learning center for small children and loving on them
day in and out, I can hardly contain myself typing these dreams...and you know what I may
barely make it financially, I may not be successful in the eyes of the world..
I may not be someone of high stature to the CEO of a company, a lawyer winning
case after case, a brain surgeon earning millions, but I don't care about recognition
or fancy things, my reward is not here, but in heaven...
My heartbeat is the lost, the broken hearted, the lonely, the hopeless because I KNOW there is
hope and what I have inside me screams I have the answer--What God has done for me He can
and will do for you, you have everything He needs to begin with...
a broken heart to let Him in.

.....ahh, I can't even finish this blog..I'm crying so much...
but with all I've said, I ask one thing from you now that you've seen what's really on
the inside of my heart, I ask from the bottom of it, that you sincerely help me pray,
help me pray
that the Lord will give my dreams wings to fly and deliever this passion I have,
so that I can be a light to this darken amd broken world...
and.... maybe just maybe....someday I'll look back and read this post
to only see that I'm pregnant with new aspirations and all these have come to pass.

"For with God all things are possible" Luke 1:37
With Love & Prayer,
Esther

God's cleansing

On one sunny afternoon Stephen and I decided to head on out to the lake. I'm not too big on
swimming in the lake, but I do enjoy picking  up shells, and sitting by the shore.
Stephen decided to take Addie into the water for a
little swim and I sat facing the lake with my legs stretched into the water.
I'm going to pause
right there for a second and ask you this. Have you ever examined yourself as
 the bible says?
 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves"
 2 Corinthians 13:5
Well, this particular afternoon as I was sitting in the sand I began meditating
on my faith
and on my sins.
I thought, even if I lived in a hut all alone on a deserted island,
with  no tv,
 no music,
no people,
no food,
no nothing.
I would still be a sinner.
God always has fun ways to speak to me and on this day He wanted to change something
about me. He wanted me to quit dwelling on the fact that I'm a wretched sinner, because
to Him,  I am saved by grace and by His precious blood I'm cleansed to perfection.

I started playing with the mud...I began covering my legs completely with mud  from my
feet all the way to mid thigh. As I sat there with muddy legs, and no longer able to see my
ivory colored legs I thought "sin"--It's dark, filthy, dirty, thick, and uncomfortable..
You see my legs, they represent my walk.
They enable me to walk with God, but at the moment they felt heavy and dirty
(have you ever felt so heavy burdened about a sin that you quit walking the walk?)
..that's not what God wants..

At that moment I wanted the mud off, I looked up and noticed that big wave starting
to rise towards me. The water finally reached my legs and with it's momentum the water
washed my legs clean, stripping away all the mud. At the moment I felt Jesus say
"you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in My name,
 and by the Spirit of our God.." 1 Corinthians 6:11

Thank you God, for your spiritual wash. That we no longer have to dwell on being sinners,
 but YOU cleanse us, wash us and you make us NEW.
 I love you~ your daughter

Idolatry-the blind sin

I was reading my bible in Ephesians earlier and I came across this verse.
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an
 idolater—has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Ephesians 5:5

At first I didn't think anything of it, I've read Ephesians chapter 5 a million times, but for
some reason today it was different...
the Lord kept bringing up Idolatry, so I asked what is it Lord? What do you want me to get
out of this? I found out that He wanted to teach me to be careful, to show other's how to
be careful and show them how to be wise.
"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise" Ephesians 5:15
He lead my eyes to re-read,
 "For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person
such a man is an idolater—has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God."

I began to break down the verse
Notice how the beginning starts off with for of this you can.be.sure. Meaning,
There is no grey area in this or room to say, "this is how I
interrpret it", because it is crystal clear.
I looked up the definition of Idolatry... And this is what it means

Idolatry--Blind or excessive devotion to something!!
When I learned the 10 commandments as a
 little girl I always thought when it said "have no other gods before me" it was referring to
worshipping budda for example. But clearly it has a much bigger significance and I feel it's
 urgent to get this message across because people can blinded to the things they worship
the "gods" they have in their lives. example: money, fame, music, earthly materials etc.

Listen--The things people worship don't have to be mounted somewhere, be a statue etc
but the very things we blindly and excessively devote our hearts to are causing people
to miss out on heaven! Maybe you're not blind, maybe you're fully aware of the things
you put above the Lord, but my eyes have never been as opened as they were during
my devotional this morning---Funny enough that's exactly what Satan wants: to
keep us blind, deaf & mute.
I choose to speak this truth, because my vision has been corrected to see.

The things we place first our life,  the things that are far more important than God,
the things we're addicted to, it's those things that can be our idols. It's those things
that are keeping people outside of heaven's gates. Today, I examined myself, as
I do daily... but it was much more in depth.
I thought of my entire day, from the time I wake until the time I my head hits the pillow
how much of my day is really consumed of the Lord? How much of my day do I use
to witness for the kingdom? How much time do I spend reading scripture vs. my hobbies?
What conversations am I engaged in? What thoughts consume my mind?
To piggy back on all this I thought this verse was appropriate.
Matthew 6:21 says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

So, I want you to think about something...
Where are your treasures? your idols
...so does God have all your heart?


In Him,
Est

I Give Myself Away

Listen to this song, completely.
The words pierce my heart.
The words reach the very core of my being and shake me.

There are so many selfish things we desire, but ulimately it is my sole purpose
to live for the Lord & Him alone. There are so many things I've heard
people say they live for. Ranging from money, jobs, parties,
to fulfilling their dreams.
And though I'll admit that I live for my family as well I know the bible says, this world
and everything in it will one day pass/fade away but HE will always remain.
I'd much rather live for something real
and never ending, then live for something temporary.


This song truly blessed my husband and I this morning.
We walked hand in hand towards the alter during worship, and as the worship
team sang this song, we stretched our hands towards
heaven and promised yet again, to live for Him... always.
Our life is not our own, it is borrowed for a time being and soley purposed to be
lived for one person alone.
Jesus Christ.
There is someone reading this today and there are things in your life that
you don't want to let go of,
maybe you're scared so you hang on to it, Or maybe, just maybe you're ok with
only giving a little bit of yourself away...just not entirely.
I pray God speaks to you today and you whole heartedly give yourself away to the
ONLY person that will never hurt or fail you.
Your heart,
your life,
your future,
is safe with Him so..
Today, I ask
Will you give yourself away?
Not just some of you, but all of you...



Love you,
Est

The measure of a woman by:Thersea Bluhm

This is a blog one of my friends posted about 3 weeks back, that I thought I'd post
because one day I want to print out my blog and keep her words close to my heart.
Her words about me seriously brought me to tears and is the biggest compliment
I've ever recieved. What makes such an impact is that she is MY role model.
And to have your role model say this about you, man there are no words.
Her heart beats for God and I could only imagine what it would be like to be
Theresa Bluhm, she is just too beautiful inside & out.
To God be the Glory. Well here it is, sorry T, I copied and pasted haha.
The measure of a Woman by Thersea Bluhm.

"Tonight I was a little disheartened after looking through some pictures of a friend's
old high school classmate on Facebook. She has told me about her before, told me
what she does for a living, and I was literally in shock at how she puts her body on
display for the world to see. It made me sad to think of what she might be missing
in her life to make her feel like she needed to do these things and take these pictures
in order to feel beautiful.


In a society like ours, sometimes I think it can be very difficult to gain God's perspective
 on Beauty. Here are some of the characteristics that, in my opinion, make a woman
beautiful from the inside out.


She reflects God's character.

She is a peacemaker.

She communicates Godliness.

She loves her husband and children.

She is wise and sensible.

She is modest.

She helps others.

We live in a culture that is obsessed with the external. The world tells you one thing
about beauty, but God's word reveals that beauty is much deeper.

Here are 5 of the most beautiful women I know .....

Esther.

This lady right here has a passion for
 God like most people can only
dream of. She is constantly trying
 to seek and save the lost. She devotes
 so much of her time to encouraging
 others and being someone to listen
 to their heartaches and pains. I don't
 know how many times I have been
 having a hard day and she will text me
 and let me know that she had the urge
 to pray for me at that moment. She
loves her husband and her daughter
so much. She has a heart for others
 and is truly a beautiful soul.
I feel honored to know her."


All the above is written by Thersea Bluhm. (except the intro)
See T, I gave you the credit : )
LOVE YOU T!

 
 

Where will you take Jesus?

..."And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Amazing right? Take a moment to really think about this verse. What does it really mean to you?...
It must have been a few weeks back that the Lord made this verse real to me.
I shared with my husband on our bed late one night about how I felt the Lord always
around me. He's not just a thought of a super power out there, He's not just someone I can
call on in time of need, or thank for all the good, He's not just someone I worship on Sunday's
and Wednesday's then casually read about. He's not just the only God I know exists out there in
the sky somwhere, BUT what he is, is REAL and always with me.
There are scriptures I read sometimes and think wow, that's a good word, or man thank you
God for being so caring and showing me how great you are. I 100% believe what I'm reading;
however, it's not exactly real at that moment.

Matthew 28:20 has become real to me, in that I don't just read this verse and advise others
 "Hey, don't feel lonely God's word says He's always with you." It's so
much more than that because He really is. Think about a person's day.
They wake up shower, go potty, feed the kiddos, maybe watch the news or whatever
 it is they do. Next they get dressed for the day, make some breakfast etc etc, all while
 not even realizing Jesus, is standing in their very presence. When you get in your car to
drive somewhere, He's with you, when you walk the dog, He's with you. When you are
at dinner, He's with you. Call me crazy, but I seriously can not go anywhere without thinking
Jesus is with me. So when
you think of what you do daily, places you go, think about this-- if you could see Jesus and
 if you had to take Him around with you everywhere, where would you take him?
I wonder if people really grasped this concept would they feel as comfortable partying,
going into a strip bar, night club? Most likely not.
The truth is, we can't see Him, but
He is in fact as real as ever. People probably think i'm nuts on the road because from
the outside looking in, it seems as though I'm talking to myself, but really I know that
Jesus is in my passenger side listening ;-) At night, I invite Jesus to sit or lay whichever
is more comfortable for Him :) on my bed and watch over us as we sleep. No, I'm
not crazy, I'm just aware of how real my God is and how real this verse is.  I hope
it becomes more real to you that He is in fact with you always, not everyother day,
not twice a week, but always 24/7 constantly following your every step.
The TV shows you watch He sees, the music you listen to He's listening to.
but lastly.. I just wonder where will you take Jesus today?

With prayer,
Est

Spiritual Exhaustion

Do you ever feel frustrated?

Or do you ever feel bogged down.
tired.
and exhuasted
from everything
going on around you?

My answer is- Yes. And it makes my stomach cringe.
I'll fill you in on something God revealed to me yesterday.
God began dealing with me on emotions of a woman a while back and it finally
made sense last night.
I started thinking of what we deal with for a majority.
As a woman there are things that just.. get to us, sometimes we don't even
have a reason we're just blah. And yes it's true, sometimes they're not even legitiment
 reasons to be upset cause later we're like why did that even bother me right?
Nonetheless the truth is that we are typically sensitive.
There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, or emotional-those were the
hormones we were given; however, when we start letting those emotions override
God's word and we don't supress our emotions, they began to control us...
well that's when we enter into a dangerous zone.
You know you're in this zone when:
You're irritable, restless in spirit, consumed with every thought of your problem or
consumed with the drama you have going on in your life, that you don't even have
time for the thought of Christ?

You're spiritually exhausted.
There's a difference in being spiritually exhausted, when you're in ministry
(constantly traveling, running here and there, running everywhere.)
That's not what i'm talking about today. What I'm talking about is trap from satan.
You see, satan knows what women are like.
When you're surrounded by drama, hasn't it consumed your every thought?
Yep, I'm totally guilty.
What typically happens to a woman in the danger zone is she is so caught up in an
 issue with a friend/co-worker/family member or whatever the case is that it allows her to get
so emotional over the situation she don't even want to seek God..read her bible..or pray.
Am I right?
Then..
One night of missing her prayer time turns into 1 week, 1 morning of missing her daily
devotional turns into1 month. One time, that is how it begins.
You see, satan wants to exhaust you, drain you, and get your emotions out of wack because--
what happens when you're tired?
You're not as cautious of what you do.
You're a little careless.
You're blah.
You're no longer focused.
Being a Christian, is like running a race-- takes endurance, strength, stamina, and a lot of focus.

Exhaustion strips you of all that. It causes you to let your guard down because you're not
as focused, and as a result, that opens the door for satan to work.
Even if it's the slighest open door,even a small crack, he finagles his way in.
So what happens now is that one problem you had turns into 5 problems, that
one gossip session you were in on turns into a broken frienship, and mistrust,
now you feel like you're drowning and are so far from God...Ever feel that way?
All while satan's thinking, "I've got her right where I want her, drained & frustrated"
I laid in bed last night I was thinking of a million examples when I've been drowned with
personal problems, drama, or even a hectic schedule and how tired I felt. I remember during those
moments it was so hard to pray, it was so hard to read my bible,
it was just so tiring to think. During my prayer time last night God gave me wisdom to
understand the seriousness of staying focused on Him and not allowing what's surrounding you,
control you. Because once that door is open for satan to work, things compound.
Rest in Christ daily. No matter what's going on around you, focus.
Focus on His word daily, pray, witness, speak of Him etc, consume yourself with Him,
and remember when you're beginning to feel agitated & spiritually exhausted, get yourself
out of that trap...because you already know that's where satan wants you.
I pray whatever situation you're facing that God will give you clarity of mind,
peace, and strength to endure the fight. Keep your eyes fixed on Him and let everything
else fade away. 
2 Corinthians says
..." for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am made strong."
If you're weak in spirit today struggling with that spiritual exhaustion, I pray you
be made strong in Him now, in Jesus name, amen.

With love & prayer,
Est

Fun Friday

Today is fun Friday and I am in such a good mood : )! I decided I would share with you
 all this little activity we are doing at work today : ) Though I love talking about the Lord,
today I figured I'd share some things about me you may not know.

At work they asked us to list random things about ourselves because we are going
to play a game called "Guess who" (remember playing that game when you were young?)
anyways, I had to REALLY think outside the box because everyone knows me so
well around here. I am a pretty transparent person, but it sparked the idea I haven't
made a bucket list in a while and it's always good to remember the things you
someday want to accomplish and remind yourself of things you won't do : )

Top 10 things I'd like to do before I go to heaven : )
1. Sponsor a child in a 3rd world country.
2. Send my parents on a vacation.
3. Build a house in the country with pourch that wraps around the whole house.
4. Complete a triathlon race with my husband
5. Go to Jersualem and see the place where Jesus saved me.
6. Write a book. (in process)
7. Preach around the world.
8. Donate an organ to save someones life, if the situation ever happened
9. See my children graduate college.
10. Visit an orphanage.

10 things I know I will NEVER do before I go to heaven : )
1. Eat sushi haha
2. Swim in the middle of the ocean
3. Pet a lion
4. Sky dive
5. Paint my nails black & go to a heavy metal concert haha.
6. Say GD/ or curse God
7. Cut down a tree (yes i'm a bit of a tree hugger ha)
8. Smoke a cigarette/do drugs
9. hurt my children
10. divorce Stephen/ or disown a family member

A few random facts about me:
I like to eat pickles & jolly ranchers together.
When I'm upset I like to clean.
I LOVE the smell of a new book!
I wet my pants from laughing so hard in the 5th grade! haha
When I get a new outfit the first thing I do when I get home is try it on!
I cry when someone close to me has a baby.
I want to give money to homeless all the time.
I sometimes snort when I laugh really hard haha
and lastly, I always mess a joke up when trying to re-tell it to someone :( lol
Hey there's just some things you have to admit you're not the best at ; )

Hope this made you smile
Have a FUN FRIDAY
Love,
Est

Living out your purpose.

I don't even know how to begin this blog, so I'll start with the truth.
My heart breaks everyday for people who lose their life,
not knowing Christ...It's serious stuff. These people according to scripture are
(let me just paint a picture for you: in the darkest place, surrounded by demons,
in pain, thirsty, screaming for help, suffering, tormented, and I'm sure begging
they'd have just one more chance while Satan laughs in their face...
and maybe just maybe their thinking of friends and family they know are lost,
praying & hoping they will change before their time is up.
When you think of it like that, and make it real in your life and in your mind,
doesn't it stir something inside you?! Doesn't it make you wanna run to your neighbors
and ask them if they know Jesus? Doesn't it make you wanna call a friend who
you know is living a sinful life? (how do I know if it's a sinful life Est? Read
Galatians 5:16-26)
Doesn't it make you want to text all the contacts in
your phone to ask, DO YOU KNOW JESUS?
Doesn't it make the hairs stand on the back of your neck?! If that didn't do anything
for you read it again and place the name of someone you know that is lost. Won't you
do something about it??
My heart races, I just wanna scream off the top of the tallest mountain, world call on Jesus!
Call me crazy, a Jesus freak, I've heard it all, it doesn't matter--what mattes is I know
there are only 2 places we will all end up one day and it's up to me, it's up to you,
 it's up to us
to impact those we can.

I'll fill you in on what started all this. It's been about a week and half that I've noticed
a trend of young people dying on the news, local news, & even people I know
that have passed away.
I don't know about you, but it always does something to me, when I hear someone
has died. It is even more real, when it's someone you knew personally or knew of.
It puts life into perspective. It makes me realize, I'm not promised tomorrow. I have
ZERO time for mess ups. I have NO time to be messing around with the things of
this world. It haunts me. Then time passes & I can get so caught up in the things
going on in my world, that I  forget that there's a world out there that needs me!
 That needs you! People are dying everyday, and sometimes I forget my purpose.
I've made a decision to remind myself that their are neighbors I haven't reached or talked to,
people at work that may be going down the wrong path that I can reach, the cashier
at wal mart, people in line at star bucks, my waitress! Anywhere!
I ask you this question-Is it fair that you know Jesus and you keep him to yourself??
No, it's not. Well you may say, Esther, people don't want to listen to that, they'll say
i'm judging them or what if they reject me? Well guess what, it leads me
to my next point, none of that matters, you were called for this! You're living out your purpose.
This world, your city, your group of friends is your mission field.
 "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation" Mark 16:15

I don't have all the answers on how you go about witnessing, but one thing I want you
to get out of this is--Don't get so caught up in your struggles, your life, that you forget
others need you. God gave you 2 hands to touch someone, a heart to love all humanity,
and a mouth to speak of Him. Share Jesus. One person at a time. Pray for courage,
pray for wisdom in how to approach people, the point is to just do it! I'm making a stand
today and I hope you're with me to dig deeper within overselves to reach the lost. God called us
for this, then He will equip us with the right words and attitude and in Jesus name all
those we witness too with have an open heart and receptive ears to hear the good news!
You with me? I hope so because i'll leave you with this one last thing. In this life if living
for God  is all you do, no degree, no career, no friends, you never make a million dollars, you never
go on a fancy vacation--it's all good, all your rewards will be in Heaven!
Your Father is the King of Kings!
He owns the cattle on a thousand hills..one day we will walk the gold streets of Heaven
and oh you will be so thankful you did everything you could when you see that soul
you told about Jesus to walks through Heaven's gates! Can you see it? It is worth it.
It is worth getting told you're crazy, you're a Jesus freak, & be persecuted
because I can bet ya one day when those people hit rock bottom, guess who they
 will think of? Guess who they will seek out for help? You. So I encourage you today,
Live out your purpose, there is always more we can do. Think of it this way,
God has given you all these years to live,
that person you knew that has passed away isn't you. You're not in that coffin, God
has spared your life until now, be thankful! And give others the chance to one day
see Heaven, and to be as excited and passionate as you are about the Lord.
Give others what God has given,you.
A purpose.
A purpose to live.
Live out your purpose today & forever.
Love,
Est

Lies of the human eye.

What do you see in the mirror,
is that really how you view yourself?
Take a look--this is real life.

The lies of a human eye.

Some women would kill to look like this.

Wrinkles, Pimples.

Fighting the scale at 115 pounds.

So what causes all this? Why the insecurities? Why are we so concerned about our appearance?
Is it the media? People around you telling you something you're not? Believing you have to
meet a certain expectation to be loved?
Maybe you've never struggled with your outter shell, but for most women, it's happened
a time or two.  This blog is long past due. For the past few weeks, I've had a number
of women confess some of their insecurities or list's of self-conciousness, hoping that I could
bandage their wounds, but I'm not able to. God is our healer. These people really do deal
with emotional & mental illnesses--sadly, I would know because I once was sick too.

When I was younger,(more less in high school) I had a very athletic body, I was in my eyes,
what the world thought as "good looking"
I never had insecurities until my big breakout. The next part of my blog is pretty personal,
so please don't take what I'm saying for granted. So why post it if it's personal? Because
 I know I'm not alone on this. It's real life, and my sole purpose is to help others.
I was dating a boy for almost 3 years & I thought I was in love. Little did I know he would
cause me much scarring in my heart and on my skin. You see, I don't really blame him in
 the end, I blame myself--I was blinded. I didn't have the spiritual eyes God wanted
me to have. I was caught up in the things this world had to offer. I definitely reaped what
I sowed. I was full of vanity, pride & making sure I had the looks. But whose looks? The
looks that were appealing to men? or the looks God wanted me to have for him?
simply a pure heart-- That is beautiful to God, unfortuantely I didn't get it the first time
around.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to take care of yourself, because we should want to appeal our
husbands, represent Christ etc, what I'm saying is when that becomes your God,
when looks, the latest fashion or trends & materialism is all that consumes your
mind--it's a problem.

I was driving with a friend the other day and she started telling me how she was nervous
about meeting this new love interest sometime soon. I said, why you so nervous?
She began telling me how their phone conversation went, and that led to her needing
to diet and lose weight etc etc.
secretly my stomach cringed & my heart broke. I was busting at the seams to tell her-
They are ALL lies. This person told her, she needed to be this & that, fit, skinny, take care
of her hair once a week--I mean seriously? Do people really have time for a once a week salon
appointment? I was devestated and said everything I knew to say about how God accepts
us just as we are, so please don't feel insecure I begged. You are beautiful..you're gorgeous
can't you see it?! "No," she replied. I choked up--because I related once before.

After my boyfriend and I broke up I went through a 5 month treatment to rid my acne.
My body had gone completely bananas from the emotional state I was in. I saw a
dermetologist once a week & spend so much money. I can honestly say it was
the darkest time in my life. I felt like God was punishing me, I had turned
my back from the truth, I had ran so far from Him and His expectations only
to fulfill a man's expectations. Even though I don't believe in depression, I was
so close to it. I  prayed for 5 months straight,
"God rid this from me! I'll never be prideful and vain again I promise! I don't care
anymore to be beautiful, I just want to be beautiful for you"..I cried more than
I've ever cried those 5 months and rarely left my house/dorm I was so so insecure
I felt like...a monster.
I still get emotional to this day, because it was my most humbling experience.
God's word says that "those who exalt themselves, will  be humbled. And those
that humble themselves will be exalted". Luke 14:11
I can say this is SO TRUE. You see, I was told after a church service by a prophet that
 I was called to ministry. I was only 19 years old then. He told me I would reach
a lot of people for the Kingdom and  that where I went people would know me by
name. He said that I had better be preparing myself NOW for what
God was needing me to do--
but what did I do?
I turned from my calling. I ignored it, and let me tell you something when God needs
you and is telling you He does--He'll get your attention. God had to make me go
through something like this because I'm stubborn! He found a way to rid me,
break me of all pride because He wanted to use me for something bigger than
looks & we all
know God can not dwell & use a prideful soul. He wants all honor & glory.
Now you see why I'm always so careful about giving God the glory of anything good
that happens in my life. Present day- I'm healed, I'm free of all that. I have scars,(it's
not that bad, but still)  and you know
what?--they don't bother me. There was a time when I couldn't say that, but now
I realize that they are proof that I am healed! Amen--I'm not sick anymore. God healed me,
andfor that I'm proud and more confident than I ever was.
So what am I saying all this for? What's my point?
I'm saying all this because I have been through it and it's not
worth the emptiness & pain. Satan has mastered how to bring insecruity to women.
He fills their minds with "you're too fat, you're ugly, no body can love you,
you're this, you're that!"
they're all lies. God has not called us to be insecure, but to be confident. There
is a big difference in confidence in who God has made you and plain conceded.
I want to reach out to those women out there struggling with their self image. I promise
you a man's view, your momma's view, your friends view is not what's important and it's
not healthy most importantly, but God has made you beautifully! You have to believe that!
Psalms 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful"
(If you have to repeat that to yourself, please do.)
1 Samuel 16:7
"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance,
 but the LORD looks at the heart."
Matthew 5:8
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God"--notice it didn't say blessed
are those that are skinny, fit, baby faced with no wrinkles, it says those that
have a pure heart.

So again, it's ok be healthy, dress nice, impress your hubby,
but stay true to yourself. Don't let the things of this world lure you in,
if you're addicted to fashion magazines, trade that time you spend looking at that
and search deeper into God's word--see if He doesn't change how you feel about
yourself! If you look in the mirror and see nothing but negative things, pray God
changes how you view yourself, because those are the lies of human eyes.
And above all, if you got nothing
out of this, other than you are wonderfully made by God, then it was all worth it.
God created you just the way you are! His finger prints are on your
life--you can't get much more beautiful than that. : )

With Love & prayer,
~Est