Let him love you, flaws and all.

Last night I had a conversation with a friend that lingered in my mind until I got to school and before the tardy bell rang I decided that I needed to make a promise to myself. I promised that once a year I will blog/share with someone about marriage. I am not sure exactly what that looks right now, or how each year I will go about it, but I know one thing; after promising that to myself I felt better. Today, I choose to make this the start of my promise. I am not a self proclaimed marriage counselor nor do I have the keys to a perfect marriage, but what I do hold are practical suggestions that have worked for me and maybe they can for you as well.

It is no secret, men and women-we are so different. Wired nothing like one another, day and night sort of deal, but the best part of marriage for me, is learning to embrace those differences and learning to appreciate that those differences are exactly what we need to have a balanced home. Stephen, my husband, likes to hunt, fish, watch UFC, watch bloody action movies, shops in less than 1 hour, he can watch football all day any day, and is just all boy. Me, on the other hand, I am sensitive, girly, I like to shop all day, do not really like getting dirty, I would rather watch lifetime than UFC type of gal. You get the picture, just different. I have learned that one thing that has really worked for us is instead of complaining about their likes and dislikes-doing the things the other person likes to do (even though deep down you're cringing about having to do it!) is way better! And, bonus it makes them want to do what you would like to do next time that much more, because they saw you cared about what they cared about. Win, win situation! So an example would be one weekend we watch that bloody action movie, the next I pick and we go out to a nice dinner and watch a romantic movie, deal? Deal! Smooth sailing from there, right? Well...sort of.
Men like to be respected. We can do all the things they would love for us to do with them, but if we do not resepct them, nothing we do really matters. What I have learned is that men forgive easier, but they remember every word that made them feel less of a man or less of a person. Words matter. Plain and simple. Typically men say they do not need words of affirmation, well let me tell ya something-their lying! Men, absolutely need to be told they are wonderful, that they are handsome, that they are strong, that they are smart, that they are hard workers, that they are good Daddy's, that they are valued, and that we need them and they are irreplacable even if Channing Tatum asked us to run away with him, we'd STILL pick them! Ha, some of you are like..well...ya know I don't know about that one...ha! Teasing, but my point is they do need to be told the exact same things that we desire of our men to tell us. One night, Stephen and I were talking about he said, "Babe, I know you think that I don't need you because you've said that before, but I do. I need you Est." I remember how foolish I felt for ever thinking otherwise and believing that just because he was a man that did not mean that he did not have emotions or a heart. So, yes, men need to be reaffirmed and be told the things we said when we dated them. Remember the lovey dovey cheesy things you would say when you dated? I do, and that brings me to my next point. Dating.
Date your spouse. I think one of the hardest things for Stephen and I was finding the time to date, between having children, school, church and work, but once we started dating each other, wow what a huge difference it made in our relationship. I remember thinking, "I live with him, how did I not realize this much about him?" The truth is we are both changing constantly and if we never spend that one on one time with each other life can be become a routine and you quit learning about them. I never want to come to a place where I do not know my husband. I know you do not either, so date him. Call up your Momma, or a trust worthy friend/relative and plan an awesome night out. Whatever you both would like, it doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive a simple walk around the park holding hands and going for ice cream is just as fun! The point is to get away alone together and unplug from everyday life to just love, listen to, and learn about the person God gave you to go through life with you. That's a big deal. Cherish, protect and love them. Which leads me to my final point. Cherish, Protect and Love your husband.
Cherish, Protect and Love are verbs. They are all choices.You make a commitment (a choice) to marry them. I was reading an article once in a marriage book and it said something to the affect of 9 times out of 10 women could have chosen to marry anyone they would have liked, but they chose the one they married. The man simply asked us a question, and we said YES! Sooo why complain? I think I laughed really hard because I was like oh my goodness how right is this author! I made the choice to have a husband and I chose Stephen and everything that came with Stephen. I understand that people change, sometimes we do not even see it coming, but love is powerful, love covers mistakes, be quick to forgive, protect their dignity, do not bring up the past, (we all have skeletons in our closet too) respect them for who they are while challenging them gentley to discover who God has called them to be if they aren't living in that light and you'd like for them to (be the example if need be), and never take them for granted. You know the saying you do not know what you have until it is gone? I say, forget that! KNOW what you have and know how much you'll miss it when it is gone. When you argue, love them anyways, by the way everyone argues-you are not abnormal-we all think we are right. And sometimes ladies, we are! But men do not like to be wrong and so setting all pride aside know that we do not always have to prove how right we are. I know sometimes it feels like we should, but leaving the issue alone works even better ;) Please do not de-friend me for saying this ha, but in those times we are wrong ladies, as hard as it can be try saying  "hey ok, I am wrong, you're right honey." I promise it makes a huge difference and truly melts their heart. You hug and kiss and move forward. I am not naive to think all marriages work so easily that way, but if nothing has worked before could be worth giving it a shot? If all else fails be quick to forgive, let love and respect rule your heart remembering that God gave you this person to love, protect and cherish. Be thankful in prayer for that man.Prayer-it binds what's been broken, it mends what's been torn, it heals, patches and restores. There is nothing God can not repair. If your marriage is at the brink of losing all hope, know that there is a different kind of hope in Jesus who can do more than we could ever imagine in our lives, in our children's lives and in our marriage! Pray for your spouse daily, have fun with them, enjoy them, love them, and ladies just like you knew the reason as to why you said yes, they also have a reason why they asked in the first place-let's put aside all insecurities and let him love you, flaws and all.
In Him,
Esther

Really?? Yes....really.

I am certain that I have sat down to write in my blog approximately 148 times over the past couple of months. This past Wednesday during Grace Group (Wednesday night bible study gathering) I was talking to a couple of church friends and I mentioned how I have been completely neglectful of a tool the Lord has given me to use to spread His love, His Word and testimony. I left Wednesday evening feeling motivated, uplifted and inspired again so, here I am.

By the way I know that blogs, in some cases, have been used as an outlet to express controversial thoughts without confrontation, used for self recognition, and/ or approval, but my deepest desire is that you would find this blog to be everything contrary of that and that these words would not be read as MY words, but those of Christ who speaks with humility, substance, love and grace.

Each day that Lord allows me to face, I wake up with the intention of striving for honesty and well, today I’d like to be really honest with you about what has been on my mind and in my heart. In the past few days -2 weeks or so I’ve discovered some rather tragic news and have been involved in what could have been tragic news as well so a part of me has felt a little overwhelmed (and naturally so I suppose.) Questions began to surface, so many thoughts began to be entertained, and if not careful, fear/ disappointment begins to creep into our heart when we open ourselves up to allowing our mind to wonder all the whys” & “what ifs”.

In really thinking about the news I’ve heard in these last couple weeks and what I experienced recently it actually brought up some really regretful thoughts then more desirable thoughts like what really matters in life. Death is a natural thing, and though it cuts us the deepest when we hear about it, we refuse to think about it, it really is something we will all go through with our loved ones and we really will face ourselves.

I am not too much of a dweller, but I did sit alone quietly on Saturday for some time and my mind went back in time remembering people that have entered my life for a season, then slipped into eternity and I found myself sitting there questioning, “During that time you had a part in their life what good did you really pour into their life? Or bad? Or…. none at all? Esther! Did you really share Jesus with them?” Panic set in ( that last question in particular really haunted me so let me address that first).

Romans 10:14-15 says “How, then, can they (people) call on the One they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the One of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

You see, it really is our job as Christians to spread the good news about Jesus even in this controversial, “non wanting to hear it” and “just wanting acceptance” world, we must be bold and share the truth. I can desire all I want that no one would suffer and that all would be in God’s glory to see our Savior face to face, but if I do not open my mouth or move my feet then do I live in vain? Ouch, that really hurt. I now more than ever have a burning desire to remind us that tomorrow is not a promise for any soul on this earth and that we all really need Jesus, so badly.

Another thought I had was, “In that time of knowing them how did I treat them? You see, people really matter. Sometimes in our hectic and frantic lives we forget that and we dig ourselves deeper into our world forgetting that friend or loved one that at one point poured good into your life and helped when no else would. Then they are gone, and well you find yourself on the edge of bed thinking did I really show them while I could that I loved them even if it was just one phone call a month? Did they really know I loved and appreciated them? It really does matter that we show our love, God’s love, to those around us because people really are hurting in this world. We always think it is so cliché to say, but a friendly smile, yea-you’d be surprised how it can positively affect someone’s day. (And if I can just say really quick that being upset about petty little issues is meaningless and if we’d really humble ourselves to see that just as they made a mistake, we make mistakes too, but our flesh clings to being hung up on an offense rather than covering their mistakes with love like we should. (“Love covers all wrongs...” Proverbs 10:12) It matters that we are there to help one another in time of need. I even thought, “My God forgive me if ever, I could have been an act of an answered prayer for someone and selfishly did not follow through.” What that means is, sometimes what people are praying for, God has already revealed to us or given us the wisdom to share that knowledge, hope or encouragement that someone needs to hear, but we get so caught up in our lives that we forget such a significant purpose we have here on earth- to be an extended arm of God.

I pray that we would all really begin to remember from this day forward that people matter.
Wrapping up with my final thought on Saturday left me with a smile and it was “There are so many things you think matter, but they really don’t so when you find yourself at the end of your life Esther, what would you really like for your children to know what really matters in life?” I found the answer to be clear and this was it: “I want Adalie and Maddox to know that trophies, awards, acceptance, money, fame, wealth, popularity and high self esteem really do not matter in this life, but what I want them to know that does REALLY matter is to truly love people with no regard to skin color, to be sympathetic towards people, to give cheerfully with no intention of wanting a return, to desire a close relationship with God each day, to be a positive influence to all those around you sometimes you are the only Bible people read, to be bold and stick to their word, to have courage to take stand for Jesus in Jr. High and High School when it seems uncool to do that, to have manners and discipline, to smile at others often, to be humble and place others before you, to give people the benefit of doubt, to give to the needy regardless if you think they are going to use it for the wrong reason it isn’t your job to judge that, but it is your job to give, to remember when times get tough God is always near and is our hope is in Him, to not care what others think, to stay in tune with God’s voice, to remember to help the little old woman with groceries, to pray for others more than for yourself, to not get so caught up in their lives they forget those they love, to never place money as a god, and to always stay within God’s will.

Yea….I get it. This is what REALLY matters. Thank you God for a new perspective.