Let him love you, flaws and all.

Last night I had a conversation with a friend that lingered in my mind until I got to school and before the tardy bell rang I decided that I needed to make a promise to myself. I promised that once a year I will blog/share with someone about marriage. I am not sure exactly what that looks right now, or how each year I will go about it, but I know one thing; after promising that to myself I felt better. Today, I choose to make this the start of my promise. I am not a self proclaimed marriage counselor nor do I have the keys to a perfect marriage, but what I do hold are practical suggestions that have worked for me and maybe they can for you as well.

It is no secret, men and women-we are so different. Wired nothing like one another, day and night sort of deal, but the best part of marriage for me, is learning to embrace those differences and learning to appreciate that those differences are exactly what we need to have a balanced home. Stephen, my husband, likes to hunt, fish, watch UFC, watch bloody action movies, shops in less than 1 hour, he can watch football all day any day, and is just all boy. Me, on the other hand, I am sensitive, girly, I like to shop all day, do not really like getting dirty, I would rather watch lifetime than UFC type of gal. You get the picture, just different. I have learned that one thing that has really worked for us is instead of complaining about their likes and dislikes-doing the things the other person likes to do (even though deep down you're cringing about having to do it!) is way better! And, bonus it makes them want to do what you would like to do next time that much more, because they saw you cared about what they cared about. Win, win situation! So an example would be one weekend we watch that bloody action movie, the next I pick and we go out to a nice dinner and watch a romantic movie, deal? Deal! Smooth sailing from there, right? Well...sort of.
Men like to be respected. We can do all the things they would love for us to do with them, but if we do not resepct them, nothing we do really matters. What I have learned is that men forgive easier, but they remember every word that made them feel less of a man or less of a person. Words matter. Plain and simple. Typically men say they do not need words of affirmation, well let me tell ya something-their lying! Men, absolutely need to be told they are wonderful, that they are handsome, that they are strong, that they are smart, that they are hard workers, that they are good Daddy's, that they are valued, and that we need them and they are irreplacable even if Channing Tatum asked us to run away with him, we'd STILL pick them! Ha, some of you are like..well...ya know I don't know about that one...ha! Teasing, but my point is they do need to be told the exact same things that we desire of our men to tell us. One night, Stephen and I were talking about he said, "Babe, I know you think that I don't need you because you've said that before, but I do. I need you Est." I remember how foolish I felt for ever thinking otherwise and believing that just because he was a man that did not mean that he did not have emotions or a heart. So, yes, men need to be reaffirmed and be told the things we said when we dated them. Remember the lovey dovey cheesy things you would say when you dated? I do, and that brings me to my next point. Dating.
Date your spouse. I think one of the hardest things for Stephen and I was finding the time to date, between having children, school, church and work, but once we started dating each other, wow what a huge difference it made in our relationship. I remember thinking, "I live with him, how did I not realize this much about him?" The truth is we are both changing constantly and if we never spend that one on one time with each other life can be become a routine and you quit learning about them. I never want to come to a place where I do not know my husband. I know you do not either, so date him. Call up your Momma, or a trust worthy friend/relative and plan an awesome night out. Whatever you both would like, it doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive a simple walk around the park holding hands and going for ice cream is just as fun! The point is to get away alone together and unplug from everyday life to just love, listen to, and learn about the person God gave you to go through life with you. That's a big deal. Cherish, protect and love them. Which leads me to my final point. Cherish, Protect and Love your husband.
Cherish, Protect and Love are verbs. They are all choices.You make a commitment (a choice) to marry them. I was reading an article once in a marriage book and it said something to the affect of 9 times out of 10 women could have chosen to marry anyone they would have liked, but they chose the one they married. The man simply asked us a question, and we said YES! Sooo why complain? I think I laughed really hard because I was like oh my goodness how right is this author! I made the choice to have a husband and I chose Stephen and everything that came with Stephen. I understand that people change, sometimes we do not even see it coming, but love is powerful, love covers mistakes, be quick to forgive, protect their dignity, do not bring up the past, (we all have skeletons in our closet too) respect them for who they are while challenging them gentley to discover who God has called them to be if they aren't living in that light and you'd like for them to (be the example if need be), and never take them for granted. You know the saying you do not know what you have until it is gone? I say, forget that! KNOW what you have and know how much you'll miss it when it is gone. When you argue, love them anyways, by the way everyone argues-you are not abnormal-we all think we are right. And sometimes ladies, we are! But men do not like to be wrong and so setting all pride aside know that we do not always have to prove how right we are. I know sometimes it feels like we should, but leaving the issue alone works even better ;) Please do not de-friend me for saying this ha, but in those times we are wrong ladies, as hard as it can be try saying  "hey ok, I am wrong, you're right honey." I promise it makes a huge difference and truly melts their heart. You hug and kiss and move forward. I am not naive to think all marriages work so easily that way, but if nothing has worked before could be worth giving it a shot? If all else fails be quick to forgive, let love and respect rule your heart remembering that God gave you this person to love, protect and cherish. Be thankful in prayer for that man.Prayer-it binds what's been broken, it mends what's been torn, it heals, patches and restores. There is nothing God can not repair. If your marriage is at the brink of losing all hope, know that there is a different kind of hope in Jesus who can do more than we could ever imagine in our lives, in our children's lives and in our marriage! Pray for your spouse daily, have fun with them, enjoy them, love them, and ladies just like you knew the reason as to why you said yes, they also have a reason why they asked in the first place-let's put aside all insecurities and let him love you, flaws and all.
In Him,
Esther