Lies of the human eye.

What do you see in the mirror,
is that really how you view yourself?
Take a look--this is real life.

The lies of a human eye.

Some women would kill to look like this.

Wrinkles, Pimples.

Fighting the scale at 115 pounds.

So what causes all this? Why the insecurities? Why are we so concerned about our appearance?
Is it the media? People around you telling you something you're not? Believing you have to
meet a certain expectation to be loved?
Maybe you've never struggled with your outter shell, but for most women, it's happened
a time or two.  This blog is long past due. For the past few weeks, I've had a number
of women confess some of their insecurities or list's of self-conciousness, hoping that I could
bandage their wounds, but I'm not able to. God is our healer. These people really do deal
with emotional & mental illnesses--sadly, I would know because I once was sick too.

When I was younger,(more less in high school) I had a very athletic body, I was in my eyes,
what the world thought as "good looking"
I never had insecurities until my big breakout. The next part of my blog is pretty personal,
so please don't take what I'm saying for granted. So why post it if it's personal? Because
 I know I'm not alone on this. It's real life, and my sole purpose is to help others.
I was dating a boy for almost 3 years & I thought I was in love. Little did I know he would
cause me much scarring in my heart and on my skin. You see, I don't really blame him in
 the end, I blame myself--I was blinded. I didn't have the spiritual eyes God wanted
me to have. I was caught up in the things this world had to offer. I definitely reaped what
I sowed. I was full of vanity, pride & making sure I had the looks. But whose looks? The
looks that were appealing to men? or the looks God wanted me to have for him?
simply a pure heart-- That is beautiful to God, unfortuantely I didn't get it the first time
around.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to take care of yourself, because we should want to appeal our
husbands, represent Christ etc, what I'm saying is when that becomes your God,
when looks, the latest fashion or trends & materialism is all that consumes your
mind--it's a problem.

I was driving with a friend the other day and she started telling me how she was nervous
about meeting this new love interest sometime soon. I said, why you so nervous?
She began telling me how their phone conversation went, and that led to her needing
to diet and lose weight etc etc.
secretly my stomach cringed & my heart broke. I was busting at the seams to tell her-
They are ALL lies. This person told her, she needed to be this & that, fit, skinny, take care
of her hair once a week--I mean seriously? Do people really have time for a once a week salon
appointment? I was devestated and said everything I knew to say about how God accepts
us just as we are, so please don't feel insecure I begged. You are beautiful..you're gorgeous
can't you see it?! "No," she replied. I choked up--because I related once before.

After my boyfriend and I broke up I went through a 5 month treatment to rid my acne.
My body had gone completely bananas from the emotional state I was in. I saw a
dermetologist once a week & spend so much money. I can honestly say it was
the darkest time in my life. I felt like God was punishing me, I had turned
my back from the truth, I had ran so far from Him and His expectations only
to fulfill a man's expectations. Even though I don't believe in depression, I was
so close to it. I  prayed for 5 months straight,
"God rid this from me! I'll never be prideful and vain again I promise! I don't care
anymore to be beautiful, I just want to be beautiful for you"..I cried more than
I've ever cried those 5 months and rarely left my house/dorm I was so so insecure
I felt like...a monster.
I still get emotional to this day, because it was my most humbling experience.
God's word says that "those who exalt themselves, will  be humbled. And those
that humble themselves will be exalted". Luke 14:11
I can say this is SO TRUE. You see, I was told after a church service by a prophet that
 I was called to ministry. I was only 19 years old then. He told me I would reach
a lot of people for the Kingdom and  that where I went people would know me by
name. He said that I had better be preparing myself NOW for what
God was needing me to do--
but what did I do?
I turned from my calling. I ignored it, and let me tell you something when God needs
you and is telling you He does--He'll get your attention. God had to make me go
through something like this because I'm stubborn! He found a way to rid me,
break me of all pride because He wanted to use me for something bigger than
looks & we all
know God can not dwell & use a prideful soul. He wants all honor & glory.
Now you see why I'm always so careful about giving God the glory of anything good
that happens in my life. Present day- I'm healed, I'm free of all that. I have scars,(it's
not that bad, but still)  and you know
what?--they don't bother me. There was a time when I couldn't say that, but now
I realize that they are proof that I am healed! Amen--I'm not sick anymore. God healed me,
andfor that I'm proud and more confident than I ever was.
So what am I saying all this for? What's my point?
I'm saying all this because I have been through it and it's not
worth the emptiness & pain. Satan has mastered how to bring insecruity to women.
He fills their minds with "you're too fat, you're ugly, no body can love you,
you're this, you're that!"
they're all lies. God has not called us to be insecure, but to be confident. There
is a big difference in confidence in who God has made you and plain conceded.
I want to reach out to those women out there struggling with their self image. I promise
you a man's view, your momma's view, your friends view is not what's important and it's
not healthy most importantly, but God has made you beautifully! You have to believe that!
Psalms 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful"
(If you have to repeat that to yourself, please do.)
1 Samuel 16:7
"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance,
 but the LORD looks at the heart."
Matthew 5:8
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God"--notice it didn't say blessed
are those that are skinny, fit, baby faced with no wrinkles, it says those that
have a pure heart.

So again, it's ok be healthy, dress nice, impress your hubby,
but stay true to yourself. Don't let the things of this world lure you in,
if you're addicted to fashion magazines, trade that time you spend looking at that
and search deeper into God's word--see if He doesn't change how you feel about
yourself! If you look in the mirror and see nothing but negative things, pray God
changes how you view yourself, because those are the lies of human eyes.
And above all, if you got nothing
out of this, other than you are wonderfully made by God, then it was all worth it.
God created you just the way you are! His finger prints are on your
life--you can't get much more beautiful than that. : )

With Love & prayer,
~Est