Marriage 101

So I have been asked to kinda talk a little bit about my life
in regards to marriage. So welcome to my Marriage 101 class :)
not that I'm a pro, butanyways ok,so when I was told this I
thought what do I write about? I don't
really know that I do anything special, but what I do know is I try
to be the best wife I can be, so to share what I do and then find
out it helped someone else then hey, that's awesome! Some people
spend their life trying to be the best they can be in all areas of
their life, that's great--I unfortuantely can't do that. I am the
type of person that has to focus on 2 or 3 things at a time to try
to perfect because other than that it's too much for me and I end
up neglecting one area. Three areas I can not, will not neglect is 1.)
My faith 2.) Wife duties 3.)Mommy duties. [not nessecarily in that
order]

So marriage, what can I say about marriage? It's the best/hardest relationship you'll ever form. My husband and I love each other
so much, but yes of course we argue. I had a friend recently tell
me, "I'm not a jealous person, but I do envy what you and Stephen have." You know honestly, I've never thought about what "we have" until
that day. To me it was normal? Doesn't everyone have a good marriage,
I mean they obviously married each other for a reason [they wanted
to be together] they must love one another? But then I realized that
it's not always the case. I am a bit naive. I'll admit. What has
worked for Stephen and I is team work, communication and leaving old dirt alone.
Always making sure that we know what one anothers needs are.
What area is it that I need to improve on, and what is it that
he needs to work on. When we notice that one of us isn't working
together, it causes tension & thickness in the air...Not my proudest moment,but i'll go ahead and admit-
Aahem, 8 times out of 10 I shut down when we start to bicker.
It's hard, I hate confrontation and I dislike knowing I made
him upset. Though it isn't long that we stay upset with one
another, because he is ALWAYS I mean always the first to approach
me about the situation & fix it- I just take it to heart. One thing,
we never do is name call. Ever. The way I see it, when you honor
and love your spouse to even think to call them a bad word is beyond
me. Sometimes people treat complete strangers and even enemies
better than they do the one person they will spend their rest
of their life with, the one they adore, the one they go home to,
make love to, & most importantly the one God gave them--
We should cherish our spouse. Now, I don't have all the answers
and I'm not the perfect wife, but I can't sleep at night knowing I didn't
give 100% effort that day to be the best wife I could be. I guess
I just love big.

I fear my husband. {doesn't that sound crazy! Lol} But in a
spiritual way- He is the head of the house and when I know I'm
purposely not on the same page with him and "just want to be mad"
the Lord convicts me.

A big lesson I continously learn is We have to trust our
spouse's-without that, you don't have much. Stephen has taught
me a lot about myself and a lot about life, I think thats why I
think so highly of him because he sets very high standards for
himself, his wife, and us as a family. He says he is lucky to
have me as his wife, but I know if anyone is lucky, it is me. One
another thing I know that I know that I know they need in a marriage
is their "man time" boy is this something I've learned to accept hah
even if it's playing video games, hunting, reading a book--{yes
ladies it's ok that they dont' want to spend every waking second
with you-they still love you lol.} When we were first married I
was so clingy and so almost 4 years later I've finally grown into
my own in the marriage.

Now Men, if you're reading this, a way to a womans heart just
like cooking, cleaning & taking care of the kiddos is a way to
your heart we have requirments as well :)
1.) Pray for your wife.
2.) Love her even when you don't like her-she is the woman God
gave you
3.) Your the man of the house, steer your family in the right
direction
4.) Never decieve your wife.
5.) Do little things for her like wash dishes or take out the
trash {when she doesn't ask you to! lol}
6.) when you ask what she wants to do for a evening and she
says something you don't nessecarily want to do, do it anyways
-we notice I promise!
7.) Never go to bed mad at her.
8.) Treat her like the queen she is, give her time alone take
the kids to the park and let her soak in a bath.
9.) Support your wife in all her dreams-believe in her.
10. Be appreciative-sometimes she has a lot on her plate that
she may not complain about to you.

Like I said, i'm not pro at this marriage stuff, I only know what my husband likes and dislikes, but that's the beauty of marriage-always learning one another, and never stop learning. The day you stop learning is the day you lose your best friend.
Pray for one another and keep God the center of your relationship. His foundation is unbreakable. Be an unbreakable couple and love...love big.

~Proud wife of Stephen Vanover<3